Hide and Forget

Chapter 30

"Ara? Where've you been all day? You missed school." Hyunjin asks the next day when he walks in. This entire week is shooting for different music videos for all of us and me working on more choreography.

I simply shrug even though I know fully well where I've been all day. I've been at the studio, pushing my body to its limits. After finishing up at the tattoo parlor, I came straight back to the studio.

Our manager doesn't even say anything as he drives the four of us to meet up with the rest of Stray Kids for the shooting of two of their new songs. It'll take most of the evening but that doesn't really mean anything to me. When we're all finished with this, I'm just going back to the studio to do more work.

"Ara, come on. Please don't do this again." Felix groans in frustration, his head falling into his hands.

Sighing, I just roll my eyes at the boy as I pull my headphones on and blast music. I don't want to talk to them or anyone for that matter. More so if I'm just being a burden to them.

By the time we've finished up with the two videos that evening, everyone's beyond exhausted and it's late. Offering silently if our manager wants me to drive, I take the wheel and pull out of the parking area as he quickly falls asleep in the seat next to mine.

Driving through the night on the highways, the stars are out and bright along with the moon. I've got my headphones on again even though I know I shouldn't since I'm driving. I just don't want to bother with the three boys behind me.

As I drive, I can't help but let my mind wander. I can't help but wonder why the three boys in the back bother sticking with me. I'm nothing but a nuisance for them at this point. Nothing but a problem for them.

I don't know why I even bother with people at this point in all honesty. I'm always raising issues and different problems. It seems to be the only thing I'm good at anymore.

When we eventually get back into Seoul, I drive first to the dorms building. I stop the van, not bothering to say anything to them as the three boys leave for the night. I then go to the studio, parking the van and waking up my manager to get him out of the vehicle and into his own.

After watching him drive off down the road, I decide not to bother going home tonight. As much as I know I should be going there and I'll regret it tomorrow, I just don't have it in me tonight.

Instead, I just end up wandering the streets until I've found myself at the river. It's almost as though it's hard to breathe at this point as I stop on the bridge, leaning up against it as I look out on the dark water that reflects many things from the light of the moon and stars.

Everyone always compares or calls singers and dancers and actors/actresses stars. I can't help but bite my lip before scoffing and shaking my head at the thought. People call anyone that's got any fame stars these days.

Though, to call anyone a star - to compare them to the stars that light up the night - it's a bold statement. One that I can't seem to wear properly. BAK's been performing and whatnot for three years now. Yet, after everything we've been doing, I still can't get any of it right. Instead, I just seem to fuck everything up.

"Ara? What're you doing out here so late?" Jisung's comes from my right, breaking the silence. Looking over at him, I give him a questioning look.

"I could ask you the same." I reply, my voice quiet and cold. He sighs, coming to my side and leaning against the rail on the bridge with me.

"I don't have work tomorrow, Ara. I know you do." He tells me, not looking over at me as he looks up at the beautiful night sky. I simply shrug in response.