The Brain Transplant

c h a p t e r | e i g h t e e n

"How unfair, it's just our love
Found something real that's out of touch
But if you'd searched the whole wide world
Would you dare to let it go?" - Birdy

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Recap

"Everything will be o-okay, I promise you that... My life will e-end so yours can b-begin again. I love you so much D-Day, you'll be okay."

And with that, Sarah let go of my hand and the nurses rolled her right out of the room.

-🧠-

I slumped down onto the ground.

Sarah was really gone. It all hit me too hard, the reality of things. I'm the reason she ever came up here in the first place and she got hurt because of me. And when she got hurt, I hardly ever came to see her. I was always out and about doing fun stuff. The fun stuff she came here to do with me before I die. And now I lost her.

I held my head in my hands and I cried. Right there on the floor of an empty hospital room. I had completely forgot that Tyler and Derek were still here, but I didn't care. They were standing outside of the room, letting me be as I let out all my emotions.

I cried.

I cried for Sarah, and the fact that she deserved a better friend than me. I cried because now Blake doesn't have anyone, and he'll be lonely. I cried because of Sarah's dog, Marmalade. God, that dog loved Sarah so much, and Sarah loved that dog too. It hurt my heart just to think about how the poor pup will handle Sarah's death. Just thinking about that made me cry harder.

I cried out emotions I've been keeping inside of me for almost half a year. Everything just came out.

My pants were wet from the tears dripping off my face, and the floor had a puddle on it too.

But I didn't care.

My body shook as sob after sob racked through my body. I wanted to scream, to hit something. But I stayed as calm as I could, I didn't want to embarrass myself or hurt anyone.

I heard the door open, and in came my dad. He ran over to where I was sitting on the floor and fell down in front of me. He hugged me, snd rubbed my back.

"Shh, honey it's okay. It's gonna be okay." He whispered in my ear. I cried in my fathers arms. "Please don't cry honey. It's going to be okay."

I sort of felt bad for leaving Tyler and Derek outside of the room, and making them wait so long for me. I mean, I was their ride home.

My dad slowly backed away from me, and I wiped my eyes. My father kissed my forehead and said he'd meet me at home.

I walked out of the room, and I saw Derek and Blake talking. Tyler was standing to the side, and I could tell he was staring at me. I could feel it.

Blake made eye contact with me, causing Derek to turn around. Blake walked towards me, and I hugged him. I could hear him sniffling, he was crying. Glad I wasn't the only one.

"Blake..."

He cried hard. Harder than I did, and I cried pretty damn hard. His body shook, and like my dad did to me, I comforted him.

"Blake. Hey, look at me."

He lifted his head off my shoulder and looked at me. The poor boy looked broken.

"Sarah loved you, and she wouldn't want you to cry. She wouldn't want any of us to cry."

Blake wiped his eyes, and I rubbed his back. "Day, I... I need to tell you something."

"Here, lets go sit down." I led Blake and the others towards some chairs.

Blake looked down at his hands, not making eyes contact with any of us.

"I..."

He choked up. Tears spilled out of his eyes, but he kept his composure.

"I'm gay."

He whispered those to little words so softly that you had to strain to hear them. But I heard them. And I was confused.

"Why is that such a big problem? I'm happy for you."

Blake sighed, trying not to cry again.

"Because, back when I first met Sarah, I was going through major bullying. I was so depressed, and I needed people to think I was straight. S-So I started dating her.

I used her so people would think I was straight. I-I'm pathetic. I never loved her like she loved me, I-I couldn't. She was like a sister to me, but I never told her that. So now she's, she's dead. And I never got to tell her the truth. I was going to, but I didn't have the balls to. Or the time. But, but I was going to tell her."

I rubbed his back. "Hey, look at me Blake." He looked at me. Disappointment was clear in his eyes. It made me want to cry again, if that was even possible.

"You were going through hard times, and even though using someone like that isn't okay, you still took care of her. You were still good to her."

Blake shook his head. "I just feel like a disappointment. I feel like I disappointed her."

I shook my head. "No, she would've done anything for you to be happy. Even if that means you're happier with a boy, then so be it. She would want you to be happy."

I stood up. "Let's go to my house, okay Blake? You can stay with me until you want to go home."

We all walked outside to our cars. Blake got in his and we got in mine. Derek decided to drive while I sat in the back with Tyler. All the sadness and crying has made me tired. The car was quiet, and that made me even more tired.

I tiredly leaned my head on Tyler's shoulder, lulled asleep to the movement of the car.

-🧠-

Until next time,
Stella