Without Doubt

Kabanata 40

Yours

She stared on her reflection on the mirror as her palms lay flat on the sink. Isang buntong-hininga muli ang kanyang pinakawalan habang kinakalma ang nahuhuramentado niyang puso. Her fingers slowly tap the sink, maya't-maya ang pagtingala niya dahil sa hindi maipaliwanag na mga luhang namumuo sa kanyang mga mata.

Bakit ba siya naiiyak? Kainis. Ang babaw.

But seeing Keegan staring on the Heroic with his soft eyes sent creep on her body, and when he touched it with his gentle fingers, her heart trembled in glee. Ayaw man niyang aminin pero natutuwa siya sa pinakitang paghanga nito habang tinititigan ang pinta niya. His eyes were looking with satisfaction and understanding. Tila naiintindihan nito ang sakit na nararamdaman ng babae sa pinta.

How could that be possible? How is it so possible for a person to hate and to love at the same time? How is it so possible to care and never change one's feelings towards another? Tinapat niya ang kamay sa puso niyang hindi magkamayaw sa pagtibok nang mabilis.

She smiled faintly. Maybe it's because even your mind gets angry, your heart still cares. Walang nagbago. Mas lumalim pa at sumidhi. The small fire just inflamed into more profound, deep, and strong intensity of a passion. Nakakatakot na sa sobrang pagliliyab nito ay mapaso ka at tuluyan ka nang lamunin at tupukin nang maalab nitong apoy. It's dangerous to come near the scorching fire of affection where no one can save you, so you need to step back, walk away, and never look back.

But it's too late for her. Pasong-paso na siya. She's burning without her even knowing, and no amount of water can perish the diffusing fire that's gushing from her system to the deepest. Ang tanging magagawa nalang niya ay ang magpalamon nang tuluyan. Magpapalamon nalang siya sa apoy na hindi siya ang nagsimula ngunit siya mismo ang nagpa-alab.

Inayos niya ang sarili dahil sa mga pawis na namumuo sa kanyang noo. She retouched her lipstick. Saglit pa niyang tinitigan ang sarili sa salamin bago lumabas ng banyo.

May iilan ang nakikilala siya na tipid naman niyang nginingitian bago siya umiiwas ng tingin. She wouldn't gave them the chance to talk to her. Wala siya sa kondisyon na makipag-usap muna sa mga ito.

Nakita niya si Lira na palinga-linga ang ulo na tila may hinahanap. Their eyes met. Sinimangutan siya nito at nilapitan siya.

"Kanina pa kita hinahanap. Where have you been?"

"Sa restroom lang." Sagot niya.

May tinitignan si Lira sa likuran niya kaya pumihit siya upang makita ang nakakuha ng atensyon nito. Sina Katya at Keegan kausap si Mrs. Osuego. Ngiting-ngiti ang mga ito habang nag-uusap na tila masayang bagay ang pinag-uusapan. Nakapulupot ang kamay ni Katya sa braso ni Keegan sa paraang walang balak nitong bitawan ang lalaki. She's holding him like he's gonna run away anytime.

"He bought the Heroic."

Pumihit ang ulo niya kay Lira nang marinig ang sinabi nito.

"Keegan bought the Heroic." Ulit nito nang magtama ang kanilang paningin. "And he was looking for you. He got really amazed by your painting actually. You should have seen how he stared at your painting with eyes full of astonishment. Alam mo 'yon? Kung titigan niya iyong pinta mo ay parang wala nang mas hihigit pa roon na ganda? I'm not sure but I saw proudness in his eyes yet pain. There were many emotions showing to the point where I found him so vulnerable. He seemed weak and lost while he can't took off his eyes on your painting. He looked like a lost child."

Napa-iwas siya ng tingin kay Lira. Her heart starts trembling again as she nips her lower lip.

"Why are you saying those to me, Lira? Ano naman ngayon sa'kin?"