Crash and Burn

t w e n t y e i g h t: Best Friends

Mondays have never been my favorite days, but today I was slightly less annoyed to be waking up at five in the morning. Although I wasn't particularly excited to see Roman as I normally would be, I was excited to maybe see someone else. 

Usually, Logan and I don't see each other at school, with the exception of lunch, but I had a feeling that maybe he would be making more of an effort to find me today. After Saturday night when Logan and I had kissed and he walked me home, something felt much different between us. 

Yes, I know we had kissed once before at his house, but something about our second kiss felt more special. Of course, this could all just be in my head, and to him they were both the same, but I really hoped not. 

I drove Casey and I to school, letting him have the aux cord, which I was now very much regretting. He was blasting some rap song about sex that sounded really misogynistic, but I just let him be. He had no care in the world about what I thought about his music. 

We eventually pulled into the school parking lot and I pulled into my assigned space in the student section. Casey immediately grabbed his bag and jumped out, saying a hurried "bye!" as he ran off to go find his fellow sophomore friends.  I took my time getting out, not wanting to rush into school today. I grabbed my school bag, and my smaller cross country bag before locking my car, keys in hand. Then out of nowhere, I feel a tap on my shoulder, accompanied by a "hey Tess".

"Ahhh!" I yell as I drop my keys on the asphalt. I turn around, and of course Roman is standing there, looking more tired than ever. He had dark circles under his eyes from lack of sleep, and his hair was much messier than usual. He also happened to know I got scared easily, yet he scared me anyway. Typical. He reaches down to grab my keys then plops them back into my hand as I mutter a "thanks". 

"Listen, I know you're probably still pissed off at me and I just wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry, and to prove it I brought you this," he grins at me while handing me the Starbucks drink he had been carrying. I looked at the label, it reading 'iced white chocolate mocha'. Darn him, always knowing my favorites. 

"I appreciate it, but Roman you can't just try and win me over with coffee after giving me no explanation whatsoever," I say, setting the coffee on the hood of my car. 

"I know, I know. I'm really sorry about that. I was just embarrassed," he says almost quiet enough to where I can't hear him. I was taken aback. Roman, embarrassed? 

"What were you embarrassed about?" I ask, trying to get answers out of him. 

"Look I know I promised you that I had hired someone when that wasn't actually true, and I know that's not cool. But I didn't want you to think lesser of me if I told you the real reason why I haven't done it yet," he begins, making my heart kind of hurt. He thought I would judge him? If there was one thing I would never do it would be judge Roman. Sure, I might get disappointed with him at times, but I would never judge him. 

"Roman, there's nothing that you could ever do that would make me think lesser of you," I speak, putting my hand on his arm in a comforting way. "All I ever want from you is the truth, okay? That's it. As long as you're honest with me I'll be okay," I explain. I wanted for him to understand where I was coming from so badly, and hopefully, I knocked some sense into him. 

"I know, and that's one of the things I like about you. You're so understanding even when I don't deserve it," he says shamefully, looking down.

"Yes you do deserve it, you're the strongest person I know," I tell him truthfully. I hated it when he talked down on himself like that. 

"That's the thing though! I'm really not!" he says frustratedly, pulling at his hair like he does when he's upset about something. 

"Roman, just tell me what's going on, please? Why are you acting so weird?" he was beginning to worry me, looking really torn up about something.