apartment 23 // mitchel cave

25

mitchel's p.o.v.

everything happened so fast. one minute i was waiting for angeline to walk through the doors, the next minute i was on the floor crying my eyes out. the reporters said she was killed on impact: the other driver was left with merely a few broken bones. it felt like my whole entire existence had shattered. my mind went numb: nothing made sense. people spoke to me but i didn't even comprehend a single thing they were saying. the only thing i could think about was her lifeless body in that car.

it was all my fault.

she was gone. forever this time. all because i told her to go to alexa's house. i'd never forgive myself. if i had just let her stay she would still be with me right now. she'd be alive and safe.

when i got the phone call from the police, i couldn't even get up and answer it. christian had to answer it while i lay on the floor, unable to comprehend that she was gone. they told christian that her phone was found after the crash with a string of texts from unknown numbers. i felt sick to my stomach. this couldn't be happening.

after a while, the sadness progressed into a feeling of numbness. i didn't leave my room. i didn't talk to anyone. i didn't even eat the food that the others had brought into my room for me. as long as she was gone, i wouldn't be the same. i kept that up for a solid week until i was forced to come out and help organize the funeral.

that was probably the worst thing i had to do: organize the funeral for the girl i loved. despite how much i didn't respect her parents for disrespecting angeline and her passions, i knew it was best that i helped them organize everything. it took them a bit to open up to me but at the end of the day, we were all hurting.

i wanted to make sure it was everything she would have wanted and more. we had all decided that we'd have red and white roses around the casket. her parents wanted an open casket which scared me. i wasn't sure how i was going to be able to handle looking at her knowing that that would be the last time i would ever see her. i picked out some of the songs she was told me were her favorite when we'd spend nights together awake and just listening to music. even the happiest songs brought tears to my eyes.

by the time the morning of the funeral rolled around, i was nowhere near being mentally and emotionally ready. the boys had to practically drag me out of bed and force me to get dressed. i stared in the mirror at myself for who knows how long, just trying to process everything. the rose inked on my arm that she had designed stood out against my pale skin. my skin seemed to grow paler since she had left me. my cheekbones seemed more prominent. nothing felt real, even as i slipped into the black suit and walked out to face the boys, my eyes already glassy. we didn't say anything to each other: the silence was enough.

we all silently walked into the funeral home, trying to get out of the rain, and were forced to greet people who we had never met before. i had to act like i was okay and like i wasn't about to fall apart at any second as i shook the hands of men and women who angeline had never even spoken of before. i could hear one of the songs angeline had specifically told me she loved playing from inside the room that held her lifeless body. i could already feel myself crumbling.

i took my seat in the front row, directly across from the white casket and between angeline's father and christian. quiet sniffles could be heard throughout the room along with small talk amongst a few people. after today, half of these people wouldn't even care. they'd continue about their daily lives and wouldn't think twice about the young girl who loved art and was my muse.

but i would. i could never forget about her. the way her skin felt against mine. the way she curled up against me in bed at night. the way she would always hug me when i came back from the studio. i'd never get to experience those things again.