apartment 23 // mitchel cave

11

angeline's p.o.v.

i could see mitchel's face frown as he glanced over at me from the corner of his eye. the thought of him being upset at me over something that was out of my control made me sick to my stomach. i didn't want this.

"what is that?" he asked quietly. i knew he already knew what it was; i just think he wanted to see if i would be honest about it. it's not like i really had anything to hide, these weren't mine anyways.

"these aren't mine. someone must have put them in my bag." i told him.

"are you sure about that?" he asked. he sounded upset which only made me more upset.

"mitchel, i swear to you. these are not mine. i've stopped taking these. someone must have been in that apartment with me." i pleaded with him.

"angeline, i really want to trust you..." he said cautiously, not taking his eyes off the road.

"if you don't want to believe me then fine. whatever. just know that i've been trying to get better. do you really think i'd want to get stuck back on these?" i questioned him. i could tell he was thinking over my words in his head.

"i'm just scared, you know? i don't want to see you fall back into your old ways." he said, glancing over at me again.

i wasn't sure whether to feel special that he cared about me or to feel upset that he wasn't completely sure whether or not he could trust me. it was an odd juxtaposition.

"i never want to go back to that, mitchel. those were the worst moments of my life. you have to believe me." i told him. he sighed lightly in a way of signifying he had given up.

"i believe you. just promise me you will get rid of those pills when we get home, okay?" he said.

"i promise."

we arrived home within a matter of minutes. mitchel promptly pulled into the driveway and stepped out of the car into the night breeze. the sun was setting off in the distance.

symbolically, this night could stand for a lot of things. never would i have thought that when given a baggie with the white pill i had desired so desperately months ago i would be throwing it away. this would have been unheard of even a month ago. if you told me that i would be in this position right now, i would have never believed you.

i guess that's what addiction does to you.

as well as this symbolic ending to my addiction, this sunset could also stand for me leaving behind james. i was ready to leave behind every bad and good memory involving him. even in the good times, he inflicted nothing but pain and torment on my life. i was done with him; the sun was setting on our old relationship signifying it's demise.

i stared off, watching the sun lower onto the horizon, dragging with it arrays of oranges and pinks. it reminded me of when mitchel and i walked around downtown los angeles, hand in hand, and he made such a profound statement about the sheer diversity amongst every sunset that graced the sky. i had come to cherish those moments over the last six months without him. his words were the only thing i had left other than the overpowering feeling of emptiness and despair.

we both walked into the dark loft and were greeted by silence. mitchel flipped on the light, illuminating the room quickly. the baggie felt heavy as it sat in my hand.

he grabbed my free hand and led me to the bathroom where i would ultimately flush down this last remaining pill and i would say sayonara to my addiction. i couldn't help but feel a little nervous. this was monumental for me.

i stood in the bathroom in front of the toilet as mitchel stood next to me, his hand still clutches against my free hand.

"angeline, you have to get rid of it." he said calmly. his voice snapped me out of my thoughts, bringing me back to the situation that was at hand.

"i know, it's just hard to imagine myself doing this. i had been so dependent on this little pill that i cant even imagine myself voluntarily flushing it down the toilet." i told him honestly.

"you don't have to imagine it happening. you are stronger than your addiction." he assured me.

and with that, i nodded and dropped the pill out of the baggie and into the water. it made a slight splash before i flushed it down. i watched as it spun before disappearing out of my sight forever.

that would be the last time i ever held one of those damn pills again.

i did it.

after over six months of pain, caused by those pills, i had finally overcome something i thought i would never overcome. i felt mitchel wrap his arms around me as a way of comforting me.

i wasn't sad.

i was proud of myself.

"i'm so proud of you, angeline." he said softly as he placed his chin on my shoulder.

"it's for the best." i said, silently saying goodbye to the addiction that had consumed me.

"now as much as i enjoy this comfort, id much rather do this in any room other than the bathroom." i laughed, stepping out of his embrace.

"makes sense." he giggled as he grabbed my hand and led me out of the bathroom and to his room.

he opened up his door quickly and practically jumped onto his bed, causing him to bounce up and down and laughter to erupt from both of us. i sat down next to him as he leaned back against his headboard.

"hey angeline, do you think you could tell me more about that asshole james? what was it like being with him?" he asked kindly, gently placing his hand on my knee. although i hated thinking about james with a passion, i didn't mind that mitchel was asking about him. it showed that he wanted to try to understand what i had been dealing with without him and that he actually cared. that was something i hadn't experienced in a while.

"well... i mean, everything was great at first. he'd take me out on the weekends when he wasn't busy with a deal and we'd go on normal dates like normal people. it was just like you and i used to do, which gave me hope that maybe i wouldn't feel so empty anymore after you left me. then all of the sudden he got busier with his work and he'd come home later. he'd always reek of some sort of liquor and he wouldn't ever be happy to see me. he'd take everything out on me; a failed deal, someone cutting him off in traffic, anything even if it was super big or super tiny. it had become a nightly thing for him to come home and either hit me or demand sex and quite frankly, i had become used to it. he'd give me the drugs i wanted as long as i put up with him, and i did for six months." i told him, shrugging slightly at the end. mitchel stared at me in awe.

"i'm so sorry angeline...." he said softly, pulling me in for a hug. i rested my head against his shoulder.

"it's over now. i'll never get those six months back, but i'm okay." i told him.

for the first time in a really long time, i could confidently say that i was okay. really okay. not that false "okay" that you tell strangers when they ask you how you are. it was completely and utterly genuine on my behalf.

i hoped he could sense that.

"you know you could have called me anytime and i would have helped you." he mumbled against my hair.

"i honestly didn't think you wanted to see me again after what i did to you." i replied.

"love, i would have given anything to see you again."