apartment 23 // mitchel cave

4

trigger warning

you're not alone xx

angeline's p.o.v.

i quietly opened up the door to james' apartment, peeking around the door to see if he was home. i didn't see him in the living room so i took this as my opportunity to finally get some alone time. i did adore spending the morning with mitchel though, don't get me wrong. it was just like how it used to be except this time we weren't involved romantically.

he did take me by surprise when he called me "love" this morning. i definitely wasn't expecting him to let me back in that easily, especially after the heroin incident. maybe it was an accident. the name just slipped off his tongue like it used to before he could even realize what he had done. i had been dying to hear that name again though so i can't really complain.

the apartment smelled faintly of weed and cigarette smoke. small pills lay in baggies on the coffee table, out in the open for anyone to see and take. we'd be screwed if we ever got caught or busted. definite jail time. i don't think i could manage in jail.

these past few months i had completely neglected everyone i used to care about. i hadn't spoken to alexa in so long, i didn't even know if she remembered me. i always wanted to shoot her a quick text but i couldn't bring myself to do it. she'd be disappointed in how much i've changed. plus, being around her would only bring back unwanted memories of the boys.

not only had i neglected the people i loved, i was neglecting myself. i cant remember the last time i sat down and had a full meal. my body basically ran off of weed and various assortments of alcohol. james told me he wasn't the type for restaurants despite how many times i begged him to just give in and go out with me. part of me wondered if he didn't want to be seen with me. half of the time there was a bruise covering some part of my body so i could understand why.

i'm not exactly sure when everything went downhill with him. he slowly became busier and busier with drug deals and some nights he wouldn't even come home, leaving me laying in bed alone with only the comfort of red wine to keep me company. i missed the nights when mitchel would come home from the studio, exhausted yet happy to see me, and he would lay next to me, the smell of his cologne filling the air around me. it was intoxicating. he was intoxicating. his presence was like a drug and so simply couldn't get enough. i mentally beat myself up everyday for fucking up as bad as i did. i couldn't even keep a simple promise. he placed his trust in me and i broke it repeatedly. i really didn't deserve him despite how much i wish i did.

i was snapped out of my thoughts when i heard the door cream open. james walked in, his hair a complete mess and his leather jacket sling over his shoulder. he gave me a look when he saw me sitting on the sofa. i'd be lying if i said i wasn't scared to death.

"look who decided to come back." he sneered as he walked slowly towards me. i remained silent. my heart was pounding in my chest.

"did you go find your lover boy? hmmm?" he smirked at me as he sat down next to me. i shifted away from him slightly and he noticed, chuckling a little.

"cat got your tongue, baby?" he asked mockingly. i felt his hand grab onto my bare thigh. i could already tell where this was going.

"james, please leave me alone." i told him uncomfortably as i tried to move away from his touch.

"are you too tired from fucking with him?" he asked as he leaned into my ear. his breath reeked of alcohol, like usual.

"please get off of me." i said frantically.

before i knew it, he was on top of me. he gripped my hands above my head, pinning me down against the sofa. i could already feel a bruise forming around my wrists. everything was happening so fast, my mind couldn't keep up.

"did he make you feel good?" he spat at me.

"get the fuck off of me you asshole!" i yelled. he grabbed my face roughly with his free hand, forcing me to look into his eyes.

"listen baby, i didn't want to have to do this but you leave me no choice." he said sternly before reaching into his pocket and pulling out a fresh needle full of the substance i knew far too well. i tried wiggling it of his grasp but his firm grasp had already found my arm. i could feel tears burning at my eyes as he removed the cap from the needle and injected the substance into my bloodstream. within a few minutes i would be completely powerless underneath him.

i wasn't in love with this man.

i could never be in love with this monster.

nothing could describe the emotions i was experiencing right in that moment. i could feel my adrenaline kicking in, making me want to push him off of me and get the hell away from that apartment. yet my body wouldn't move. i couldn't stop him as his hands roamed my body. i couldn't stop him as he practically forced his tongue in my mouth, the horrid taste of whiskey left over on my tongue. i was helpless as he lay on top of my body. and he was going to take complete advantage of me.

"don't fight this, baby. you know you want this." he whispered in my ear as his hand unbuttoned my skirt and pulled it off of my helpless body, leaving me in just my panties and the crop top he had ridiculed yesterday.

everything seemed to be blurred suddenly. the room seemed to spin around me, making me feel nauseous. the drug was definitely beginning to set in.

i felt my body go limp as james slipped his hand into my panties. tears rolled down my face like a waterfall as i felt his touch me roughly.

this was a nightmare.

within a matter of what felt like minutes, james was above me, groaning as he moved on top of me. i could barely keep my eyes open as he had his way with my limp and motionless body. the only noise i made was from my sobs. i couldn't feel any pleasure from this. just pure pain.

he left me that night, naked and limp on the sofa, with a hot stream of endless tears rolling down my face. i had never felt that worthless and empty. i had just let this man take complete advantage of me. i felt like a piece of meat, simply here for him to have his way.

i couldn't believe this.