Alissa Swan

Part 62

Jacob and I were inches apart. We were standing at the same cliff that the boys had been jumping off of the evening before.

"You look scared," Jacob commented.

"I'm not," I replied. I was lying. I was straddling the now completed motorcycle.

Jacob stood next to me, holding the bike up. There was an intimacy to our proximity.

The bike was aimed down a dirt road. Jacob ran through the instructions. "Brake?"

I tapped the brake.

"Clutch?"

I squeezed the clutch.

"Right. Gas?"

I gripped it.

I nodded.

Jacob grinned and kick-started the bike. "Slowly... release the clutch."

I released the clutch and the bike moved forward an inch.

Jacob cautiously stepped back. I moved forward another inch.

"Stop," I heard a voice say.

I turned to find the apparition of Edward standing next to me. My hand slipped off the clutch, and the bike bucked and falled on top of me. Jacob quickly lifted it off me as the apparition of Edward disappeared.

"You okay?" Jacob asked. "Bruises, breaks-?"

"I'm going again," I told him, determined.

"I'm not sure that's a good-"

I quickly rose and hopped back on.

"Guess we're going again," Jacob said, shrugging. "Now what are you going to do with the clutch?"

"Release it," I replied. "Slowly."

Jacob nodded. He kick-started the bike again.

I released the clutch and moved forward. Slowly at first.

Edward reappeared at my side, glowering.

I kept going, a little faster. Edward appeared on my left now; I passed him. He reappeared ahead; I passed. The wind flung my hair back. I gathered speed. For a pure moment, I experienced freedom. I saw Edward standing at the curve in the road ahead, and realized. I yelled back to Jacob. "I don't - how do I turn!?"

"Bank it!" he yelled back. "Bank - hit the brake!" He raced toward me.

I reached the turn, and didn't bank. I went straight and flew right into a wall of trees. I laid on the ground, dazed.

Jacob hurried up. "What, are you training for the X-games?"

I looked around for Edward. He was gone. "I want to go again."

"Forget it," he replied, looking at me. "I'm revoking your motorcycle privileges. Man, look at your head."

Blood was dripping down my forehead. Jacob took off his shirt to mop up the blood, as I shrank away.

"God," I told him, "I'm sorry."

"You're apologizing for bleeding?" Jacob asked me.

"It doesn't... bother you?"

"It's just blood, Alissa."

He bent over me, carefully tending my head. I found myself looking at him. His dark eyes, his bare chest and smooth skin.

He glanced at me. "What are you staring at?"

"Just, you're actually... good looking." I continued looking at him.

He was surprised. There was a moment between us.

He smiled. "How hard did you hit your head?"

I realized. "Oh, I - yeah."

He offered me a hand, and helped me up. I held onto it, alarmed. "Jake, you're hot."

"Upgraded from good looking?" he smiled.

"No, temperature hot." I felt his forehead. "You're burning up."

"I feel fine," Jacob assured me. He took my hand from his forehead and held it.

I tried to pull it away.

"What?" Jacob asked me. "I can't hold your hand?"

"It just... means something else to you than it does to me," I replied, looking away. I thought about the night before Edward left. I put my hand up to his, and he pulled his hand away. I looked down.

"One," Jacob said, "that's my problem. But two... we have fun, you think I'm hot-"

"Good looking," I corrected.

"I know you like me," Jacob told me.

"More than anyone," I admitted. "But... that's all."

"Because of Cullen?"

The name stung me.

Jacob took both of my hands. "Look, I know what he did to you. I can see it in your face every time his name comes up. But you need to know - I would never, ever do that to you. I promise I will never hurt you. You can count on me."

"I already do," I told him. "You don't know how much. You're my best friend but... I don't think my feelings will change."

He took this in. I knew it was hard. A wave of something swept over him. He sat back, closed his eyes, and took a breath.

"I'm sorry," I said from his reaction. "I should've said something right from the start-"

"No. That's not -I just feel... weird," he told me.

"I told you," I replied to him, "you have a fever. Probably that flu everyone has."

"It doesn't... feel like flu. I don't know what it is."