Redemption [3]

Let's Start with Forever

Have some tissues ready. I'm warning you now you may cry some needed tears of joy.

People say on your wedding day they catch the case of jitters thinking about spending the rest of their lives with one person. Some people let fear take over them to the point they run away from their own wedding. But those people haven't seen a love like mine. I know what some people will think. Why would I choose to marry the man who broke my heart by cheating on me even after he told me he loved me? Why would I have his child and continue to let him be in her life? All of these questions I have had to answer numerous time and time again, but my answer has been the same each time. I know what Carter has done in the past is wrong and he has grown since then. He isn't the same selfish man that I once knew. Sure, he still has his tendency to be an ass and makes me want to kill him some days but if every day was perfect then no one would call it marriage. If you are wanting perfection then you'll never leave your honeymoon and progress in life.

I know that I am far from perfect when it comes to my love life. I've had multiple men ask me to marry them and I said no in fear of getting my heart broken. I believed I didn't deserve true happiness and love and in return made sure to keep my walls up from those who tried to get close to me. I made sure that I kept my feelings in check because I believed if I shared too much no one would ever want me. I lived my life in fear of the unknown and now I'm tired of depriving myself of what I deserve.

It wasn't until I heard her screams that day I gave birth to my beautiful baby girl that I knew love is real. I knew at that moment no matter who walks in and out of my life my love for my daughter will always be there. She showed me what it means to love unconditionally and knowing when to forgive. She has taught me how to be open and caring for those who have wronged me. And all I can think about is how without Carter I would never have Charlotte. He may not have been the person I thought I would end up with but life has a funny way of surprising you. I was sure I was in love with Val and I was sure I was in love with Nate. Hell, I judged Serena for falling in and out of love so quickly with every man that she dated or slept with, but in some weird way, I understand how she could. I have always said no matter what ended our relationship good or bad that I will always love Val, Nate and even Carter. Because each of them showed me a new way to love not only them but myself. Each opened my eyes to the world around me and forced me to realize that I will never be alone.

I have suffered the loss of my deranged psycho father twice along with losing a child once and the possibility of losing another. There have been many instances when I should have given up and done what Chuck did. Disappear in the world and drink my way through life, but I wanted more. I craved a family who was excited to see each other at holidays. I wanted a family who no matter what you fought about would make up one day and either we can laugh about why we fought in the first place or grow from it to be better people. Now I have the family I've always wanted and one that was always there for me.

I've seen people fall in and out of love as fast as the seasons come and go. But what I've seen is that everyone deserves to find the person they are meant to be with. It would have been easy for me to stay in a relationship with Val and said yes to him when he first asked, but like Lily and Eleanor, they found love with the most unlikely people. No one would have seen that Lily would have forgiven William for everything he's done and Eleanor who is all about appearance and how other's will perceive her gave it all up by marrying Cyrus the love of her life. Everyone said I deserve better than what I have but want no one understands is that love is more powerful than anyone can ever know. I love Carter with all my heart. He has loved me since we first met and even though we've both messed up in the past and will continue to make mistakes he has shown me what true love is like. He willingly placed himself in harm's way to protect me and his unborn child. He willingly let me turn down multiple proposals always telling me that any life with him is worth it to him. Through everything that has happened in my life, I know I am ready for the possibility of forever with Carter.