Church Camp Talks (a Joshler fanfic)

.57.

HELLO here's a new chapter! I was planning on updating much sooner but I decided to keep writing and treat you guys with a loooooong chapter. 6837 words! I hope everyone's well and you'll enjoy this chapter! Let me know what you think!! LOVE YOU GUYS!

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"R-remember when I told you you w-were a mistake a-and caused you to l-leave and you spent days all alone i-in the forest w-without any p-proper food or-or dry c-clothes or jacket a-and you got all t-those scars and bruises", Joshua started softly.

"Don't do that, baby, we don't have to mention that ever again", Tyler said as he kissed Tyler's hair. "B-but I wanna t-talk about it", he said.

"Are you sure?" Tyler asked with a light frown on his forehead. Joshua nodded. "C-can you tell m-me how-how you felt f-from the m-moment I said that t-to you 'til the m-moment we t-talked again?" Joshua asked.

"Yeah... yeah I can do that if you want to", Tyler said. Joshua nodded. He really wanted to know.

"Well... when you first said that to me", Tyler started, hugging his boyfriend closer. He pressed a kiss on his forehead. "I felt... hurt. Like, really hurt. I think it hurt more than all the homophobic comments and physical actions I ever went through combined. 'Cause, well... it came from you. The boy I was so terribly in love with, that I thought accepted me even though you first thought it was wrong. The boy who really was my best friend and the only person who made me feel again", Tyler softly said. "The only person who made me feel loved and appreciated after losing my baby. When you said you loved me... I was the happiest person in the entire galaxy for those few short seconds. I was so happy", Tyler said, sighing softly.

"Are you... are you sure you want me to keep going?" Tyler asked. Joshua nodded immediately.

"I was so happy until... well, until my heart was crushed just seconds after, when I heard you thought I was a mistake", Tyler softly said. He bit his lip, before speaking again.

"I couldn't stay there. I wasn't mad at you, y'know. I wasn't angry at all. I think... I recognized myself in what you said. Y'know, when I found out I was gay and told myself that I was the mistake. And that was one of the darkest times in my life. So I was just... hurt. Really badly. And I think disappointed too 'cause well... 'cause I thought you were different. Which you are! But at that moment I thought you weren't anymore, y'know what I mean baby?" Tyler asked. Joshua nodded. "D-don't worry, I g-get it-it", he replied. "J-just continue o-okay?" Joshua asked. He pressed a soft kiss in Tyler's neck. It gave Tyler goosebumps.

"Well... at that moment I felt like I couldn't stay. I couldn't... I... I couldn't... couldn't look at you", Tyler softly whispered. "'Cause when I did, I heard you calling me a mistake, and I heard myself calling me a mistake too. And it hurt so badly that I just ran", Tyler softly said.

"And neither did I want to see Jeremy or Troye or Jake or Colin. They'd tell me everything would be okay, that I wasn't a mistake, that I was loved no matter what. I know they'd try to tell me that but I didn't believe any of it at that point. So neither did I want to hear it. I just wanted to get away from it as far as I could, as fast as I could. I didn't want to think about it but well, when you're alone in a forest and you have hardly anything on you, you have plenty of time to think about what happened and why you ran. I felt stupid for running. Ashamed, almost, but I couldn't go back either. There was so much anxiety flowing through my body, it was so overwhelming", Tyler continued. He could feel Joshua tighten his hug, and so did Tyler. He rested his hand under Joshua's chin and tilted his head back. He then kissed him softly, and lovingly, and long.