Everyone Breaks 3

1. Bang

Shot?...Pav was shot?...is this really happening. Yes it's happening.

One moment he's here abusing me & having his way with me & the next he's not.

Am I suppose to be sad, happy melancholy, ecstatic? I don't even know. I have mixed feelings about the whole situation. I hate that I have mixed feelings. I should be applauding the thought of not having to be around him & his mind games. "I love you" then wam pain "you're my girl" then leave bruises on my neck & arms. I use to think I didn't bruise easily until I met Pav, who showed me how easily I did.

I should be throwing a party, but then that makes me feel like a monster for enjoying someone's pain.

It's like Mahatma Gandhi said-

"An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

He hurt me & so many other girls,  someone hurt him, they most likly hurt that someone that hurt him, & that makes me & probably other girls want to hurt them more.

Everyone would end up hurt in that world of everyones retaliating. But maybe Gandhi didn't understand a woman scorned. He had that shot coming.

He's been in the hospital about 2 weeks.

He's in a medically induced coma right now. Warren tried to explain to me the details the doctor gave them, but it's still confusing to me. Something about swelling, infection, bad reaction to the first medicine & him not responding to whatever they were doing on the 2nd week. It's like karma's hitting him hard.

He's been in the coma for a week now. Supposedly he was making a little progress the first week when they removed the bullet from his chest. He was out of it, so he hasn't talked to the guys since the incident happened.

First they took him to a hospital in the area of the house that is skilled with gunshots, Zac said. I guess its one that doesn't ask a lot of questions. I don't know what excuse they possibly gave the hospital either. Maybe a stray bullet in the wrong part of town?

After they had him stable, they had him flown to Colorado where he would be closer to the guys. The guys say so he could be closer to us, but I don't include myself in caring if he's close or not. Does that make me a jerk or just honest.

It seems so surreal like this is all a dream. I want to go see him, but the guys told me not yet.

It's crazy. All this time I've thought about how it would be to shoot Pav for all the pain he's given me, and someone else beat me to it. I mean with all my abuse, I'd moved past the wanting him dead part. Why do I move from not caring if he lives or dies, to sad thinking about him dead. Then I go right back to feeling like he had it coming & let God judge him in death.

I was in shock when they first said he had been shot. You never think about how it would be to hear that someone you know & once thought you loved has been shot. 

Of course Warren has been at the hospital all week with Willem. They flew to see him in the other hospital & Zac joined them at the Colorado hospital.

The hospital is in Denver. Which is over an hour & a half away. They had Clai come without V. Maybe they thought I would make her snap...or give her more sense.

He hasn't tried anything yet, but he keeps giving me spiteful looks. When he first arrived back at the house, he walked up to me & whisperd in my ear something that's been keeping me up every night for the last week "I'm going to have fun with you. I owe you a little decepline for that mouth of yours, I know you still have"

How can he think about hurting me at a time like this. His pupet master has been hurt.

They also have Derik & a new guy I've never seen before, here. Hopefully Darick will be preoccupied with Dana.