Sciam Oneshots (Teen Wolf) Completed

There are some things we need to talk about.

Things get better.
Sometimes they get worse.
The fact that you refuse to give up because you still have hope, gets tiring sometimes.

There are days where I leave my house after an argument with my mother and my entire day is ruined, I can't deal with anything in school. But at the end, I let go of the things that suppress my happiness and join in my friends' lame jokes.

There are days where I am absolutely fit and happy. I don't have to worry about class tests, I have class with my favourite teachers, I spend time with my best friends. And at the end, I always, always manage to ruin a thing.

Sometimes people don't understand me.
Sometimes I don't want them to understand me.
Sometimes I don't understand them.

I am tired.
I am tired of telling myself that things get better.
I am tired of keeping hope.
I am tired of crying in his memories.

I am afraid.

Afraid of happiness.
Once I am happy, there's always that voice that says something bad will happen.
And then , something bad actually happens.

Afraid of love.
I have loved with all my might to the point where I can't love anymore.
The people I've loved have either stopped talking to me, left me or died.

Afraid of forgiveness and forgiving.
I have done bad things to people and what goes around comes around. I should ask for forgiveness but how? It's not easy. I try but I back off. What if they don't forgive me? And even if they forgive me, what's next? Are we still like before?
Forgiving people scares me. What if they do me wrong again? What if they don't deserve my forgiveness?

So many questions, no answers.

There are days where I feel sad.
There are days where I feel depressed.
There are days where I feel happy.
There are days where I feel confused.

I have no clue what is going on in my life.
I have no clue what I want from my life.
I had dreams but now the dreams don't make sense.

I try.
I try to make things perfect.
I know trying is what actually matters.
But it feels like I'm not doing enough, I'm not trying enough.

I want to know what it feels like to love myself.
I want to know what it feels like to be loved.
I want to know what it feels like to love again.
I want to know what it feels like to be happy.

Sometimes I want to end it all.
Sometimes I want to die.
Sometimes I want to cry.

I'm taking a break, from people, from social media, from everything.
I don't know when I am coming back.
I need time to figure things out.
I may succeed.
I may fail.

Until then, goodbye friends.