Sunshine and Rain

Chapter 10: Holograms

Today was another typical school day around these parts. Here we only had two seasons; Sun and Rain. A very accurate depiction of our lives if I had to say, what made it even more accurate was that it could switch between the two in a matter of minutes. One minute you're enjoying the sweet rays of sun tickling your exposed skin, and a moment later you're running for shelter as a wave of rain sweeps in soaking everything in its way. The rain was falling, for now, beating down on the galvanized roofs separating the students from the shower. I stopped reading my book and stared out the window, it was so alluring. Somehow the rain came with its own mist, a light fog that hovers over the surface like transparent cotton candy. Before I knew it I was taking off my shirt and standing in the frigid teardrops. I was sure people were watching, I could hear them whispering about me but what did it matter anymore? If this makes me happy it shouldn't matter that it's not normal, that I'm not normal. All that matters is that I'm functional and I'm not hurting others in the process...too much. Pain is functional, we need it to push us forward sometimes. Which reminded me of when I'd stand in the rain to hide my tears.

It was carnival time, by now I had become extremely close with Patricia and I wanted to make a move. The only thing stopping me was our exams, we had planned to take it much more seriously after that. Honestly, how serious could a pair of 16 year olds get but I wanted to ride the wave and see where it takes me. My hope was it would take me to paradise, that was my hope.

The funny thing was we both had liked each other before, just at different times. She liked me when I was strung up on Jeline, that relationship lasted a week and then I grieved and got over her. Patricia couldn't have been happier, she no longer had to put up with me babbling about my feelings and my worries, and she no longer felt attached. But not long after that, I caught feelings for her, it was on purpose though. My way of coping involved jumping from one thing to the next, I couldn't endure the pain and as such, I always had a rebound. But it seemed that she came around soon enough, and here we both were, existing.

So it was carnival time and my church had a carnival camp, I was half expecting her to show up and half expecting her not to since she lived with her dad most of the time which is a bit too far to come and go from the church. So said so done, she didn't come to the camp and I spent most of my time using the gym equipment they had there. It was in this camp I met my best female friend, Alex. She refers to me as her big brother and I refer to her as my baby sister, nothing too fancy except for the fact that we were destructive together. If I thought something I could be sure she was thinking something worse, what I would refrain to say she wouldn't and vice versa. I was often the voice of reason and I didn't mind.

We had this movie night, where each team had to put on a skit and stuff based on the theme. One of the things we had to do was a spoken word and I was nominated by my entire team to tackle this whilst she was nominated by her team to do the same. I won't lie to say I was an angel, by now I was pretty close to being a playboy. If I had a sho,t I'd take it, and I took that shot with one of the girls in the camp. The only problem was that Alex despised her very guts, and every time she saw her, her face would contort into this....thing. It was as if she saw a rotting corpse and the smell just smacked her in the face. The girl was not ugly, not physically anyway, she had her blemishes elsewhere not that I cared. I wasn't looking for anything permanent with her.

But on the night of the spoken word, Patricia showed up with her mom. She had come just to see me, and coincidentally....sat down right next to the girl I spoke of earlier. This was so awkward, but I still didn't care whatever happened, happened. After I had done my piece I walked up to her, she was occupied with something on her phone and I totally ignored the girl next to her.

"Did you like it?" I asked in a soft voice.

"Huh?"

"Did you like the spoken word I just did?" 

"Oh sorry I wasn't paying attention... I was a bit busy" she waggled the phone in her hand to show me she was on it and powered off the screen so that I couldn't see what she was up to. Not that it mattered...we all have our secrets. You do you boo.

"Ah...ok" I replied

Nonetheless, it was a great day, we spent most of it talking and laughing together, taking in the ocean view and the warm breeze that blew her hair around ever so gently. I looked at her and thought 'I could do this, this is something I'd be willing to do'. I think it was then that I truly fell for her, again it was totally my doing, but I was getting all the signs I needed to make the choice 

Too bad none of it was real.