Sunshine and Rain

Chapter 5:The Calm Before

The following days were wasted as I woke up with the sole purpose of seeing her later in the night at the crusade. I was almost in a trance where I couldn't remember what happened throughout the day, sleeping with my eyes open and as if some strange magic I came alive every night to get ready for our meeting.

I forgot all about my "food and fellowship" rule I lived so religiously by when it pertained to me going out and the moments I spent with her overtook my desire for basic needs, she had become a basic need and I ended up going each night excited to meet her and for no other reason whatsoever. Every night I tried something new, I tried to understand her more and more each time, experimenting with my approaches and noting her reactions. What made her smile and laugh, triggers that caused her to collapse in thought, what she fears, her perspective on people and on life, anything that went on in her head I was utterly interested in knowing, so imagine my excitement when I heard that the crusade was being extended by two nights. I was ecstatic and made the best use of the time I had, solidifying my hold on her more and more until I was sure I had completed the first phase.

Her mother, Mrs. Aliah, became very close to me. She wasn't like the other parents I knew who were overprotective of their girl children even though she still played her motherly role and I understand that. I never felt out of place around that woman and she was more of a friend to me than an authoritative figure. I was close with the entire family, except her dad. I never saw her dad before and from what I heard things were heated back home when they were away from us church people. Strangely enough, I paid Mrs. Aliah little mind since I got so accustomed to her being around and I deeply regret that to this day.Things changed not too long after the crusade.

It was a Friday night, I sat on the base of the staircase in church, deep in thought, frustrated about something my parents had said or done. Jeline was there of course, we were like two peas in a pod and she noticed my dismal demeanor but I was in a world of my own again, battling with the thoughts in my head whilst she danced in front of me as she usually does but I, I was long gone. Reliving a moment that had flown by hours ago wondering what I could have said or done or something, I barely noticed when she called me.

"Hacim whats the matter?"

"Nothing" I lied

"No somethings up, I'm not leaving you alone until you tell me wassup" 

After saying that she proceeded to tickle me. She knew me well enough to know I was mentally out of it and I started smiling, I started laughing as she tickled harder and harder, every 3 seconds she'd say

"Tell me Hacim what is ittttt!!!"

"nO.....NEvAA" I said in between laughs, I could barely breathe by now and I was really enjoying it so as I lay on the cold tiled floor I resolved to keep my mouth shut to prolong this moment of joy. A few minutes later she gave up.

"Fine, don't tell me then" she said, and walked off. I didn't mind though, it's not like I did anything wrong, this was something personal that I had to work out it wasn't a game or gossip. Yet every second that passed I wondered if I should've spilled. She came back before I could decide on an answer.

"My mom wants to talk to you"

"Why?"

"She's outside waiting come see"

But I didn't go, I didn't think anyone could understand how this tiny problem affected me. The last thing I needed was another adult telling me 'Obey your parents' or 'Your parents know best' and all that generic stuff adults tell kids. I opted to stay put, I didn't even realize because I was so busy thinking, beating up myself, crying a bit out of frustration. 

She left again.

"Why can't I be normal? Why is it that I always seem to be the problem, it's always me, I could never do something right"

It was at this moment Mrs. Aliah showed up, taking confident strides towards me, Jeline was in the back looking and it doesn't take a genius to figure out this was her doing. Mrs. Afiya would fit the teapot description, she was short and stout, even though she saw around my height at the time her body build made her look shorter than she actually was.

"Whats the matter Hacim?"

"My parents.....my parents frustrate me" I confessed, I needed to see where she'd go with this. My expectations weren't high however since I prepared myself for the "same old same old" pep talk, but instead...I didn't get that. She talked to me like I was a normal human being, like what I was going through was totally normal and even made reference to her daughter who waved at me to show that she agrees. She made me understand that my parents did things sometimes not considering my feeling but they have my best interest, that I have to try to make things work first instead of waiting for them to try because to them everything was working fine. After this conversation, I felt much better, I've never had an adult come down to my level and deal with me like that.

And I took it for granted.

One week later I stood in my parent's bedroom doorway. It was midday and I was anxious to get back to what I was doing before but it sounded urgent so I ran and came. Standing there I looked at her, laying on the bed with the phone in her hand, I wondered what could be the matter, that's when it happened.

"You know Jeline's mom right? Mrs. Afiya?"

"Yes..." I said, waiting for her to get to the point.

"I just got a call saying she died a while ago, a heart attack in the back seat of a taxi, I just thought you should know"

Looking back on that day my initial thoughts still stand. Normally this is where people have some sort of mental breakdown. They start crying like crazy and fall down, drop the cup in slow motion and stuff, but I felt nothing. All I could feel was an emptiness where emotions should be, I felt numb and it shocked me. It was only until months after I felt it, my brain couldn't process the fact that an entire person had just disappeared from the planet, never to return again.

I could understand, in a strange way, the death. Death is a part of life, its expected, people leave our lives that way every day, but her daughter.....she disappeared and remained in my life to this day. She died that day her mother died because who she is now, is someone totally different.