Hoping for the best, expecting the worst

chapter 19: Finding out.

-there is a small trigger warning in this chapter but don't worry it's not really lots of details just hints and Dawn manages to stop Red anyway

I stood there, holding my present, shocked. He told me he loved me. That made no sense. He had Ambrosia, his mate. On the inside though, the words made my stomach flutter like a thousand butterflies. Was it a joke? Was it all just a game? Am I even loveable?

I walked into the dorms, bewildered. My mind shaken. I felt as if everyone I passed was staring at me. The world seemed to go in to slow motion as I contemplated what happened. My heart was racing as I finally reached the lift.

Breath in,
Breath out.

I tried to block out the music playing but it didn't work. When the lift came to a stop I got out and sat in front of the door. I wanted to stop this weird feeling I had inside of me but it wouldn't go away. After it died down a bit finally made my way into the lounge. Jax, who was sitting on the sofa, looked worried.

"God Red are you alright?" Jax asked.

"Yep I'm good just need to lay down somewhere," I said. He called me by my name it must have been quite serious. I just needed to get over the feelings I have bubbling inside of me. To be honest as I got closer to Phoenix I felt myself falling for him but brushed it off. It felt wrong.

"Come, sit next to me and relax piccolo capo," he said. I walked over to the sofa and next him as he switched on Netflix.

"Is Alistair back yet?" I asked hoping to tell him every thing.

"No, I'm not sure if he is even coming back this evening," Jax replied. I hope he had a ... good time.

"Oh, that's cool it's not like he has to come back every evening," I said half-heartedly. It's not that I was trying to hold him back it's just he's my first and only best friend. I wanted to him to know about my feelings first. Oh my gosh I'm turning into a girl.

"Anyway, why do you look so stressed out?" Jax asked.

"I don't really want to talk about it," I replied "it's embarrassing,"

"Ok I won't push you on it but remember you can always rely on me," he said. After a while it went to a comfortable silence as we watched a couple of things on Netflix. I begged Jax to watch cheese in the trap on Viki. Cheese in the trap being a Korean drama. After a while he gave in and surprisingly he got into the episode as much as I did.

"I'm tired and it's obvious that Alistair isn't coming back so it's just going to be you and me," I said. I don't want to put anyone's life on hold but he could have gone out tomorrow not the night before my birthday.

"Ok Red I'll be with you in a sec," Jax said but I only caught a bit of it as I was in the bedroom. I then face planted the bed and within a couple of minutes was asleep.

As I woke up, I felt an empty bed. I was alone, on my birthday, after months of sleeping with two people it just felt strange. I got up and hit the shower. I had many thoughts about if I would meet the mate who made me feel pain and many other things. I also wondered if anyone would make breakfast for me. I got out the shower and made my hair look presentable.

Then I went back into the bedroom to go over what I had in the wardrobe. I went with black ripped jeans, maroon doc Martin's ,a Nirvana top and my leather jacket to cover things up. As I looked in the mirror I noticed that I had grown a bit taller which was great every little helps. When I finally left the bedroom I noticed that nobody was there. I then quickly checked my phone to see nobody had texted me. I decided to open up Phoenix's present it was a signed BTS album and a key.