BLACK

Episode 33: Winchesters

Maybe if it wasnt a little after midnight and I didnt have this headache I could come up with a clever title. Oops. Anyways, I thought about making this longer, but I like the way this flows if I stop it here and then continue with the next part in 34. So I hope you guys enjoy, based on the title alone I'm sure the Winchester fans will.

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You weren't entirely sure how long you stayed in front of those freshly covered graves. Long enough for Castiel to squeeze your hand in comfort before making his way back into the prison. Long enough that your legs grew weary and you were forced to take a seat in the soft grass. Long enough that your eyes had dried up and the redness in your face from crying faded away. Long enough that someone was sent out to check on you.

"[Name]?"

You didn't have to turn your head to look at him. Two minutes ago, when he exited the prison and crossed through the metal gate into the field you had seen him from the corner of your eye. Sam Winchester was not the unrecognizable type.

"This is a dumb question, but..." He came to a stop a few feet from where you sat. His hands were stuffed into his jean pockets, "Are you alright?"

You didn't reply to him. It wasn't to be mean, but rather it was because you didn't have a good answer for his question. You stood up from your spot and absentmindedly brushed the dirt off the back of your jeans. Were you alright?

"I'm sad." You admitted cautiously, "I'm- I'm destroyed. I'm crushed and guilty- I'm so guilty, but more than that I'm..." You paused to search for a word, a way to describe the emotion bubbling away in your gut, and the word you found was the simplest of emotions, "I am angry. I am so angry at the Governor. I am so angry at Shane, but all the anger I have toward them is nothing- nothing, compared to the anger I feel toward myself."

Sam had been caught on the familiar name of Shane for half a second at most, but his mind moved on as tears of frustration built up in the corner of your eyes. He took a half step toward you, but hesitantly stayed an arm's reach away, "It wasn't-"

"My fault?" You laughed a hollow laugh, "I suppose not, but do you know where I was when all this happened?"

Sam could hear the pain in your voice. He could see it in every line on your face even with you staring at the wooden crosses in front of you rather than at him. You shook your head and crossed your arms.

"I was at a picnic. I was at a picnic." You breathed. Slowly, you could feel your face heat up in a blinding anger, "While Lori was in immense pain, giving birth to her child, I was shaving my legs and changing into a stupid dress. While Carl was forced to put a gun to his own mother's head, I was laughing and talking and- and smiling." The frustrated tears began to spill from your eyes, "While T-Dog was being eaten alive- being ripped apart by monsters, I was...I was drinking ice cold lemonade!"

Sam had originally decided to keep his distance from you when he came down here. He didn't want to overwhelm you since he knew you didn't remember him, but seeing you like this broke his heart. He couldn't stand at a distance and watch you fall apart.

He took the step, closing the space, and put his hands on your shoulder making you turn to look at him, "[Name], this is not your fault. None of this is your fault, you can't even be blamed a little. There was nothing you could've done."

"Because I wasn't here." You replied with a scoff.

Sam shook his head and his fingers involuntarily tightened around your shoulders, "Do you think your presence here would've changed anything? It could've played out the exact same way even if you were here. In fact, you could've died with them."