Is this love?

Chapter 22

“I love myself" I snapped at her.

“All day I have been pouring out my heart to you and the best you can come up with is to love myself. I already love myself" I was screaming now and I didn't care. “My whole life I had love myself and everything didn't fall into place. My parents died, my grandfather abandoned me. I grow up on my own. I have fucking trust issues and self-esteem problems" I was crying and yelling at her now and I know longer care what she think of me.

“Get out of my room now and don't come back" I yelled at her, pouring out all my rage.

“I'm not going anywhere you need to hear this" she said in a quiet but stern voice.

“Poor little rich girl who grow up on her own with no one. Not never her two best friends and her best friend mom."

I was about to scream at her but I stopped. She was right I did have Raven and her mom supporting me, being there for me. Then later on K.P was there for me in her unique way. I was feeling a bit ashamed of how I screamed at her earlier. But she was still wrong about me loving myself and everything else would fall into place. And that poor little rich girl comment.

“You know what Karen, just because you're right about me having my friends and Raven mom there for me doesn't mean that you know anything. I spent all day telling you about my childhood. Of course any genius could figure out they were there for me."

“Then way didn't you figure it our before Nessa, that all your life you had family members loving and supporting you."

“Well I didn't say I was a genius and I never said I didn't have support. I wanted my parents to be there for me like everyone else. You know what Karen all you accomplish today is pissing me off and the rich girl comment just makes you sound like a jealous bitch."

I blow my nose and step off the bed. Opening the door I said.

“Now leave my room and don't come back because your stupid love yourself theory doesn't work"

She gets up from the chair and walk to the door.

“I'll be back two days from now and Leonessa my theory does work. You need to ask yourself, do I really love me"

“I do love myself Karen"

She stood next to me at the door. “Do you Nessa?" She asked as she left. I stood by the door staring after her.

It was not her words which bothered me, it was the way she said it with a knowing smirk and something in her voice, I couldn't place it. I just know it rob me the wrong way and it had me thinking.

“Mom" I heard Antonio shout my name and that's when I realized I was standing in the doorway. Staring at a long gone Karen.

“Hey sweetie" I called out. “Where are you going?"

“We are going snorkeling with Nash."

“okay honey have fun" 

I closed my door and got on the bed, I just lay there thinking about my life and about myself.

The next morning I didn't want to get off my bed. I had cry myself to sleep. I was pathetic, how did I allow myself to screw up my life so much. I wanted to call Karen to talk but every time I pick up my phone I could hear her voice saying that if I love myself everything will be okay. Did she mean to say that because I didn't love myself that all these bad things happen to me. 

My phone beep as I was coming out of the bathroom checking it I saw that my next doctor's appointment was later today. I called my pilot and told him I would need the jet to fly to San  Francisco for my doctors appointment.