i don't remember last night. or the night before that,
i never remember whose lips and cigarettes i share
and i never remember that menthols make me throw up
the memories that plague my brain i once wanted to forget but now i cling onto them like they're all i have
because they are all i have
when a person goes from a real person to a memory person you need to remember them
the bad things suddenly feel precious
-
and i tried to recount this all to you but i couldn't
i couldn't remember how i've been feeling, what i've been doing and i can't even remember why i came here -
was it because my dad died and it made me sad or is it because i'm sad and want to die
you don't understand though because i don't tell you everything
the way i lie down on my roof in the pouring rain at night till i'm soaker through
the way i impulsively buy things like weddings dresses and peanut butter
and create crazy plans that never materrialise
how about how i sit in my bedroom alone doing drugs
and only then am inspired to write poetry with
spelling mistakes and typos
that i'll only notice in the morning
but with more raw feeling than i can muster up in a week of being sober
anna do you really want to die?
i can't remember
and i get too lost in the layers of this song
of the background piano melody
and the way the drums fit over the top
jazz chords on guitar
synthy sounds
and a mellow voice that seems to be speaking only to me
and lyrics that make me want to rip up my own poetry
what was i on about?
