i know how it feels to be suicidal, dad
when everything around you becomes a weapon
how much liquor could i drink before i pass out?
how many pills could i swallow before i have a seizure?
but yet i don't kill myself in one go, not yet
because i'm a coward and apparently it might hurt
and it may not work, that's what you said, dad
and my days of self harming are behind me (because of you, dad)
i sleep through the day, i don't get out of bed
and at night when it hurts the most i'll drink
or take something that used to be fun
but now just numbs
i bet you would be disappointed in me, dad
you attempted suicide 3 times
spent your life as an addict and alcoholic
well i'm just the same, dad
and you'd be so sad if you knew
but it doesn't matter anymore, does it dad?
you'll never know
