I. Am. Done. [Completed]

You're here.

Kit's POV

It has been like a month.

And I can't take it anymore.

It has come to that certain point where I just... can't, anymore.

I'm so sorry everyone, but the pain is unbearable. 

The demons came back to me, stronger than ever. They looked for a fight to win. And this time, I might just let them do that. 

I remember when I was younger, when I first heard about suicide, I was shocked. I was shocked that someone would ever do that. I didn't know why someone would ever do that, kill themselves on purpose. 
And now, all I can say, is that it's funny how fast things can change. How opinions change.

At first, when I had someone like Ming, I tried so hard to get over this, to forget it all and move on. And I thought I was getting to the point where I could say "Wow I'm feeling a lot better", but right now I couldn't feel any worse.

I'm exhausted for trying to be stronger than I feel.

Maybe I'm just too complicated. 

Too complicated for anyone to love.

*

Ming hasn't been talking to me, nothing at all, in the whole month. 

Did he already forget about me? Realize that I was just a weight on his shoulders?

All I want to do right now, is cry, and scream, and let it all out, because it's killing me. But the thing is, that I can't. I feel like my heart has become numb to all this pain. I feel almost nothing. 

If this is how my life would continue, I don't want it anymore. 

I don't want to do this because I want to end my life, I want to do this because I don't want to feel any kind of pain anymore. 

I look at all my cuts,

all my burns,

all the bruises I gave myself,

Each one reminding me about the battle against myself,

Reminding that I've lost. 

I don't think people, the psychiatrists precisely, understand how stressful it is to explain what's going on in your head when I don't even understand it myself.

I'm tired of crying.
I'm tired of yelling.
I'm tired of being sad.
I'm tired of pretending.
I'm tired of being alone.
I'm tired of feeling crazy.
I'm tired of feeling stuck.
I'm tired of needing help.
I'm tired of remembering.
I'm tired of missing things.
I'm tired of being different.
I'm tired of missing people.
I'm tired of feeling worthless.
I'm tired of feeling empty inside.
I'm tired of not being able to let go.
I'm tired of wishing I could start all over.
I'm tired of dreaming of a life I will never have. 
But most of all, I'm just tired of being tired.

One cut. Two cuts. Three cuts. Four.
Cry for awhile, then cut some more.
Open cut, closed cut, cut scabbed over.
Old cut, new cut, cut dripping blood.
Drag the blade across and watch as it floods.
Cut on my wrist, cut on my thigh, cut on my neck.
Small cut, big cut, cut too deep.
Sit and watch as it continues to bleed.

I'm not planning to end this by cutting tho. I've done that enough.

Same goes for overdose and burning. Been there, done that. It's so seen.

Hanging.

That sounds more right. 

My mom is abroad again, so I have all the time and space that I need.