Redemption [3]

Being a Boss

"I guess." Carter looks up to avoid looking as I change. He hands me my clothes as I make myself presentable for him. "Now that I can look. Let me start off and say you look beautiful."

"Such a Casanova." I tease as we walk to our favorite restaurants in the city.

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"How was your day besides lounging around in lingerie?"

"That's pretty much it. Every mans fantasy." I joke as I take a bite of my steak I've been craving all day.

"Some, but I prefer you right now."

"Watch yourself Baizen it's almost like you're trying to cross the line of friendship." Carter sits back and bites his lip in that way that always turns me on. He looks so handsome and I can't deny that there's still chemistry between us, but I need to stay on track and taking control over my life.

"Would crossing that line be so bad?" Carter asks suggestively.

"We talked about this. I need time to find myself and we just back to trusting each other and..."

"I just heard a reason why you can't but let me tell you the reason why giving us a second chance could be a good thing."

'I'm listening."

"I've matured since the last time we were together. I've experienced life and I know what I want. I'm ready to give you the world that you deserve. And I won't hold you back from living your life because I'll always be there to support you no matter what." He reaches for my hand and holds it across the table. "I'm not asking you to jump straight back in but I am asking you to think about it. When we were together especially when we were away from others influence we were amazing. I've never felt more in love than when I was with you."

"Even when you cheated on me?" He holds his head up high and looks me dead in the eyes.

"Cheating on you was the biggest mistake of my life. I did it because I was scared of how serious we were getting and to keep myself from committing to something I was scared of I did the one thing I could control. I've made mistakes in my life but losing you made me realize I wanted to mature and become the man you always deserve. Rather it's as a friend or someone you can fall in love with again." Why am I falling for Carter again? I broke things off with Nate because I needed to find myself, but is finding what I want in life leading me back to Carter?

"You were my first heartbreak, Carter. I lost trust in anyone I saw myself falling for because of you. I lost a part of myself and I can never get that back."

"Ella, I am sorry for ever breaking your heart. I know there's nothing I can do to change how I've made you feel, but I will do anything to make you see how much of a changed man I am."

"I find myself with conflicting feelings Carter. Part of me says not to trust you and to shield myself from further potential headache. But the other says you also were my first love. You were the first person I fell in love with and..." Carter rubs my hand hopping for those magic words. "A part of me will always love you. I just don't know what kind of love that will be."

"I'm not saying we'll be in love right away, but I want to work our way there. However long it takes I will wait for you."

"Nate said similar things to me and yet when he had me he neglected me like I meant nothing to him. He said he was worried when I went to off to work that he wouldn't have someone to hang with and yet I found myself being pushed aside."

"Nate, was a fool to push you away. He didn't know what treasure he had with you. But I've known what it's like to have and lose you. I know that heartache and I can assure you that I never want to feel that way again. Ella, I love you now more than ever. I've supported you in everything you've done and I will continue to support you even if you decide to..."

"Hey, I'm not giving you an answer because I've been living a life where I was expected to know what I wanted right away. And I'm not doing that anymore. I'm going to live my life the best way I know how which is taking everything one day at a time. If we're meant to be something more than friends we'll know." I know that's not what he wanted to hear but I can't leave one relationship to just jump straight into another one. I know when I broke things with Val it was because we had settled and there was no more passion between us. We lacked the spark we needed to keep us a life and that's because that spark was with Nate after he kissed me for the first time. I fought for that spark and the relationship that came with it to just end up with disappointment. I don't want another failed relationship right now. If all I can offer Carter is friendship then that's all I can give him.

"You're one of the only people in my life that I will risk waiting a lifetime for. To me, you're the one that got away and we have a shot at a second chance. And I'm not going to waste it by rushing into things. If you need more time then that's what I'll give you."

"I don't expect you to put your love life on hold for me Carter. You need to live your life without me holding you back."

"My life is nothing if I don't have you in it. Some people are meant to be in your lives and I know you're meant to be in mine. I want it to be romantic but if it turns out to be just friendship I will have to live with it, but at least I have the privilege to have you in it."

"I'm not that special Carter, I am..."

"The fact that you don't see how you affect me is exactly what makes me love you. You do more for others than you do yourself and expect nothing in return. You make me want to be a better person. And I hope that one day you'll see how amazing you are and what you mean to me."

Is this life-giving me another second chance or is it telling me to stay away from another mistake? I can't live my life worrying I will make another mistake. I need to have faith in myself and know that I can't control every aspect. People come into your life for a reason and what if Carter coming back is my chance at finding the love of my life. I loved Carter with every fiber of my being when we first dated. He was my first of everything. The first person I said l love you to and the first person to make me feel what it means to love someone. He made me want to expand my horizons and see the world for more than it was. He made me a better version of myself which is more than I can say for Nate and Val. In those relationships, I felt like I changed who I was to fit their mold. I took fewer jobs out of the country for more safe and reliable ones so that I could spend time with Nate. I took jobs that revolved around Hollywood so that Val wouldn't be inconvenienced. Not once did they change anything for me.

I never wanted to be that girl who changed who she was for a guy and that's who I was becoming. I lost myself because I wanted to save my relationship. I wanted to be something I not just so I could keep the man I thought I should be with. Along the way, I would look in the mirror and wonder where is the girl with the fire in her eyes. The one who yearned for an adventure for life. She was gone the moment I settled for a relationship I didn't deserve. Now is my time to decide what I want and Carter could give me exactly that. I've been with a man who tested my trust and broke my heart in the process but I can also see the man Carter has become. He's grown responsible seen the error of his ways.

We were both so young to realize what we want in life. We've grown up during our time apart and now that we've rekindled our friendship I see myself falling for him all over again. I've met women in social gathering that have found themselves going back to their first husbands. People sometimes need time apart to realize how much they really love each other. I can only hope that is the same for Carter and I. Loving him wasn't the worse thing. Cheating is something I can never get over, but to hold one thing over him isn't wise either. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone has the right to a second chance. I'll have more a guard up than I had the first time. I may be played once but a second time will end with someone losing their dick.

Should Ella give Carter another chance? Or should she keep their relationship strictly friend based? Either way Ella is making her own decisions and is going to be okay with either outcome.