Cutting Edge (Frerard)

40

Gerard.

•

Those messages were nothing to me.
I didn't want them to happen but I needed to make Bert like me, so he'd treat me nicely.

I hated what I said to Frank,  all that's in my mind now is if he took it to the heart or not. He could be dead.

As usual I was jerked out of my thoughts by lips, this always happens.

Bert pulled me onto his bed and kissed me roughly, his hands roaming my body once again, this time I wasn't opposed to it, I thought it would take my guilt away.

So we had sex, hard and rough until I cried from my skin being slapped and bitten. I knew he was rough but all of this was making me feel even more terrible.

Bert wanted me to stay over, he was trying so hard to cover up the fact it was a demand. But I left anyway, knowing if I didn't I would be getting into something more than just casual sex.

-

My clock said 4, my mind was saying end.

I've been thinking about what I said to Frank all night, how the hell do I explain? 

I told him to kill himself, Bert insulted him in lines upon lines of hatred.

Frank's  genuine love made me so happy and o threw it all away for someone who doesn't car-

He cares, Bert cares. Shut up Gerard.

I'm loved. He loves me. Frank never did. He just wanted someth-

"SHUT UP!" Never have I screamed so loud, it was shrill and gave me shivers. It sounded as if I was in pain.

Mikey came rushing in, asking frantically if I was okay.

Another two hours of my night spent dwelling on what happened, telling your brother that a few hours ago you had sex with someone who stopped you from suicide and also tends to rape you was hard but.. Mikey understood.

I was doing okay but now, I'm really fucking not.

I pull my phone out of my pocket and call Frank, I'm expecting no answer as usual but instead I heard a hoarse voice trembling through the speakers.

"Are y-you calling t-to say more things..?"

That broke me.  I went on a tangent of apologies and explanations.

I'm so fucking confused!