Anyone's Help

Not In Control

*trigger warning self-harm, eating disorder, and depression.*
     Regina leaned on a tree outside of her office.
    She felt a hand on her shoulder that made her jump.
    "Sorry I didn't mean to scare you. I wanted to see if you were okay." She heard the blonde say.
   She looked at her. "I'm fine." She said sharply and pulled off Emma's hand. "What do you need Mrs. Swan?"
    Emma dropped her hand. "I-I'm worries about you Regina. You keep dropping weight. Are you sick? Is there something really wrong with you?"
     Regina stood up straighter. "I told you-"
   "The stomach bug won't make you lose this much weight Regina."
      Regina held up her hand to make Emma silent. "I'm fine now. I lost without but I'm slowly gaining it back. I had the flu and a stomach bug. I was sick and couldn't keep anything down. That's all. I'm fine!" She snapped.
     Emma took a step back. "Okay. Okay fine." She said holding her hands up in defeat. She looked at Regina and sighed walking away.
   Regina sighed and closed her eyes. "I don't need help." She reminded herself. "I don't need help."
     She pushed herself to walk down the sidewalk.
  "Regina!"
   She stopped and turned around getting annoyed. Hopper ran over. "Granny's having a party. Do you want to join? Henry wants to go."
     Regina looked at him. "Henry told you he wants to go?"
    Hopper nodded. "He did. He's already there."
      Regina hesitated. "Uh... Okay. I'll come. I already ate though." She said as the lies slipped with ease.
Hopper nodded. "That's fine. We would be glad to have you come either way."
Regina raised her eyebrow. "You all? I'm not really sure about that." She said with a small laugh and followed him to granny's.
Henry was at a booth. "Mom! I ordered you a salad and water." He said.
Regina sat down. "Henry you didn't have to. I already ate."
He looked at her. "I just though I would."
Regina smiled slightly. "How about this. We can get mine to go and I'll have it for lunch." She said.
He smiled. "Okay. I got a-"
"Grilled cheese and root beer." Regina said quickly.
He smiled and nodded. "How did you know?"
Regina chuckled. "You always Get the same thing."
He stuck out his tongue and laid his hand on top of hers. He frowned. "Mom your hands are so cold!" He exclaimed.
Regina's smiled fell. "I'm still feeling a bit under the weather." She said softly.
He looked at her worried. "Have you gone to the doctor?"
She shook her head. "It's not too bad. I'm getting better." She said. "You don't have to worry."
Henry sighed. "Can you eat some of the salad please? It might make you feel better."
Regina looked at her son and sighed. "Okay. I'll try." She said with a small smile. "Okay?"
He nodded and granny came over with their food. She looked at the salad. 94 calories she thought to herself and took a small bite. She hated the feeling of the food down her throat. She hated the feeling of the food in general. She wasn't in control. Henry looked at her. She smiled softly and took another bite. Henry smiled back and this went on back and forth.
Regina made sure Henry was asleep. She walked to the bathroom and locked the door. She turned the water on high and stripped down. She looked in the mirror. She looked bloated to herself. She took her special medication out of the cabinet. Ipecac syrup. She took a small amount and waited for it to kick in. Soon she found herself bent over the toilet throwing up in large graves until she had nothing left in her. She leaned on the wall and closed her eyes. She knew deep down this had to end. She pulled herself up and cleaned up the mess and took a hot shower.
     Regina got out and dried off and got her pajamas on. She pulled a brush through her curly hair. It had grown thin but because of the curls it was almost impossible to tell. She walked to Henry's room and checked on him. He was asleep. She walked in and kissed his forehead. "Sleep well my love."        
   Regina retired back to her bedroom and sat on the bed. She laid back and took a short breath before the silent sobs began to rack through her thin body. She wasn't in control anymore.