Crooked Smiles (unedited)

chapter 15

Adrian

Here i was yet again. stepping off of the bus with a bag full of belongings. Marksville. there was something about this lame town that i hated. everything about it actually. yet i could never fully escape it. grave city used to be the place i could never escape, the name alone says a lot about that place. but then my problems moved here to Marksville and at the time i couldn't leave, but once i had the chance i did. it was the first thing i did once i turned 18 but there's someone here who needed me so i had to move back for a while. just a little while i told myself but a little while can feel like forever. especially since it was everything i was running away from. i had came back once a little while back but i was only here for about a week or two. this time was going to be a whole lot longer. fortunately before i was able to keep a low profile so that certain people didn't know i was in town. this time however, there is absolutely nothing i can do to prevent hell from breaking loose. i had to stay with the devil due to the unfortunate circumstances. i checked my phone and sent my sister a text telling her to expect me in about an hour or two.

the whole aroma around this town set me off. it was like this place sucked everything from beneath your feet. that's the best way i could explain it for now.

the sky was a bit cloudy but it wasn't raining, it was actually pretty warm outside. i readjusted my grip on the heavy bag in my hand and walked to the nearest cafe. i ordered a medium black coffee with no sugar and sat at table near the window. i tried to get rid of the uneasy feeling in my stomach and the anger from the memories i had of this place. it was hard but i tried my best not to focus on it. i took out my sketch book and picked my pencil from my hair and put it to work. occasionally i would take a sip of my coffee. whenever i drew something i tried not to think too much about it. i just let my feelings take control of the sketching utensil, it felt more authentic that way. about 30 minutes later my piece was finish. i scooted back a little and pushed the sketch pad back a little tilting my head to the side. i didn't particularly like this piece. the whole thing was filled with darkness. i had drew an exhausted boy, broken down on a path. in front of him was a path of full trees and flowers and the sun. he wasn't that far from it. but behind him was dead forest with crows and dead trees. one of his arms had fell of and was laying on a bed of dead leaves and he was carrying one of his legs trying to make his way to the bright side of things but his other arm was halfway off.

i hated this feeling! i've tried so hard to think about this whole situation in a good light but i cant help the feeling in my chest and gut. that drawing couldn't have described the way i feel in any better way. its like i keep getting so close to the other side but things keep on slowing me down and making it harder and harder for me.

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my phone buzzed in my pocket and sighed realizing that it was now after 4 and i told my sister to expect me about 2 hours ago. time surely does fly when your in your head. i closed my journal and stashed my pencil back in my hair.

where are you? dads on his way home and hes expecting you! the text read. i didn't reply

"thanks for the coffee." i said to the owner of this cozy place while putting my sketchbook and journal back into my bag. he nodded and waved and i left. hell, here i come.

the walk only took about 30 minutes and i made sure to walk slow. i wasn't looking forward to seeing these people. its been about a year since i last saw them and we defiantly didn't leave things on good terms. sadly my long and slow stroll had to come to an end. i stopped in front of the old two story 3 bedroom house i used to live in. the light in the basement was on and i cringed at the memories i had of this place. i felt a panic attack coming on so i sucked my breath in and held it until i couldn't breathe then i breathed out and controlled my breathing. that always seemed to work for reasons i don't know. i reached my arm out to twist the door knob but before my hand reached it the door was throw open and my little sister came flying at me. "Adiran!" she screeched and threw her arms around me. i dropped my bag and hugged he tightly cursing myself in my head for not feeling anything. "i almost thought you wouldn't come back!" she was crying. i hated myself for wanting her to let me go. i know that none of this as actually her fault and shes as much of a victim as i am but i needed more time.

"of course i'd come back for you Lainey." i said. it was true. id always come back for her. no matter how deep my hatred ran for her family. i cared about lainey. i truly did. i just had mixed feelings about the girl. my heart was still trying to sift through the mess and find a spot that lainey actually belonged. she wasnt guilty though and i knew that.

"i love you adrian. your the best big brother anyone could ask for. and i know it was selfish of me to ask you to come back but i cant take this on my own." she said sobbing into my chest. yea it was selfish. but it was also selfish of me to leave her all alone.

"its fine kiddo." i said rubbing her hair. "no hard feelings. lets get inside though."

"okay" she whipped her tears and walked back inside with me following close behind. the place looked exactly the same. i felt the hairs on my arms and the back of my neck stand up.

"you hungry?" lainey asked me from the kitchen "mommy didn't cook or go shopping but i can make you a pb&j" she said cringing back a half full loaf of bread.

"no im actually good. ima go set this stuff up in the room and ill be back down okay?" i said swinging my bag over my shoulder.

"uhm adrian?" she asked hesitantly her eyes begging for something i couldn't read. i nodded for her to ask for whatever it was she wanted

"c-can you p-please set up in my room?" she asked looking at the floor.

i frowned and put my bag down. "why lainey?" i asked slowly, eyeing her. if she was asking for the reason i thought she was i was going to kill him!

"no reason!" she said quickly shooting her head up. i knelled in front of her and asked again. she turned her face away from me and stuck to her first response. "lainey." i said trying to choose my words carefully. "ill set up in your room and stay for as long as you need me to. but i need you to answer me and tell me why." i said, gently turning her face back me examining it. she kept her gaze on the floor and tucked her chin into her neck embarrassed to look at me. there was a long pause and i contemplated asking again or just letting it go for now but i needed to know. "lainey?" i asked again. "well..." she said after an long pause and paused again to choose her words. i tried to hold in my anger and keep a soft expression while i waited for her to talk. "d-daddy said t-that he f-feels lonely s-sometimes when mama is working l-late..." she paused again and i fealt my blood boiling. my hears were extreamlely hot and i felt the urge to break something. i took i silent deep breath and put my hand on her shoulder. "he... he said that h-he wont ever hurt me..." she paused again "b-bu-but its huts so bad!" she cried i clenched my jaw in anger and cringed. I counlt believe this, i mean i knew the guy was a prick and an asshole a fag who beat on women and children but... but never this! i coulnt believe that i left her here all alone with that creature. i blamed myself. how could i have been so selfish? i stared at the little girl in front of me in disbelief and disgust, not at her, never at her but at the things shes been through. the things i left her there to go through. i fought my tears and anger and wrapped my arms around her gently. "that's not okay, princess." i told her and held her head as she cried. "it was never okay. he hurt you and hes going to pay. but i promise you i wont let him touch you anymore." i told her and hoped to god that i could make good on that promise.

"please don't tell him i told you." she begged "p-please?"

"sshhh" i nodded "i promise."

lainey was only 9, and just barely. i had so many more questions like for how long this had been going on and if her mom knew, if shed ever told anyone else but i couldn't bombard her.

i knew one thing for sure though. i was defiantly going to kill someone that night.