"Dave?" You call out as you enter the dark first floor of his house, even though it was afternoon not a light was on and all the curtains are all shut. Your heart starts to beat faster when you realized you couldn't immediately locate Dave.
Because of the reason behind your coming to town you're more freaked out than you ever would've been otherwise at Dave's apparent disappearance.
"Dave!" You scream in fear, running into each room and checking for him. Finally you find him the last place you expected: the bathtub, fully clothed, tears running down his face, crying so hard he was visibly shaking.
You look at the scared, hurt, vulnerable boy in front of you and your heart breaks for him. He looked so lost and so visibly pained that you immediately run to him and pull him out of the tub and into your arms.
Seeing him in this state strikes a cord in you that completely flips everything upside down. Suddenly you don't feel like an ex-girlfriend from years ago, you have so much love and sympathy for him swelling to the surface that you feel the need to take on the girlfriend role, to act as his protector, as though nothing has changed between the two of you since 1986.
"Oh Dave..." You whisper, stroking his hair and kissing his forehead gently. It takes everything you have not to collapse into a fit of tears yourself but you know you need to be strong for Dave. That's the role you've decided you need to take on, you need to be his rock. You need to always be there, never wavering.
"Baby, talk to me" You whisper, "Where is everyone, why is no one here?"
What you really want to say is who thought it was ok to leave him alone, with what he was going through at the very least you thought someone would've checked up on him but it seems as though he'd been alone all morning.
"I dunno." He blubbers, "I didn't answer any calls but yours and my mom's—her and Jim are on the way" He says and you nod.
"Who else called you? Have you seen anyone?" You ask in almost a whisper, "Did Jennifer call you?"
Jennifer was the girl he had most recently dated. Though they had broken up a few weeks ago you had met her and she was a kind person. If she had heard the news you thought she might've come by.
"She left a message but I didn't answer. No one has come by" He says in strained voice and you kiss his forehead again.
Dave didn't know a ton of people in Seattle and not a lot of people knew what was happening with Kurt before today so you did sort of understand the lack of visitors even so, some people should've checked up on him this morning. You mentally kick yourself not for coming to Seattle when he called you earlier in the week, you should have been on call, ready and with him for the event you all knew was coming.
"I'm sorry Dave, I should've been here" You say, biting your lip as he begins to cry again.
"He promised me he wasn't going to die" He whimpers, ignoring your apology, "He told me Rome was a mistake"
"I know. Sshh, I know" You respond, pulling him even closer so he's basically curled in your lap. You rock him back and forth for what seems like forever, as though he was a little kid.
"Can I make you something to eat?" You ask after he stops crying over an hour later.
"I'm not hungry." He shrugs, his voice raw from hours and hours of weeping.
"You need something" You sigh standing up gingerly and running a hand through his hair.
"Tea" He says softly and you immediately head into the kitchen. You were grateful for his request; you couldn't have held back your emotions for much longer, you needed to be away from him for a minute to pull yourself together.
Dave turns on the sink and you hear him washing his face. With the sound of the faucet muffling the sounds in the kitchen you let one sob escape your lips, just one so he doesn't notice. You immediately make yourself return to your pulled together demeanor and begin to go through the emotions of making him his tea.
A few minutes later he emerges from the bathroom. His face was still red and splotchy but he looked better, you couldn't identify any new tears, which was a sign of progress.
"The tea will be ready soon" You say motioning to the kettle on the stove. He nods but doesn't say anything in response, instead choosing to sit at the kitchen table and stare into space.
He speaks a few seconds later, turning to you with a far off look in his eyes, "Shouldn't you be in school? It's a weekday" He says and you can't believe that's what he's thinking about right now.
"School doesn't matter right now Dave, its almost finals so its just review anyway. I needed to be here, I should have been up here a week ago" You say, mentally kicking yourself again.
"I can't believe Annie knew that fast, I'd barely known five minutes before you called" He states, clearing his throat as you sit his tea down in front of him and sit across from him at the table.
"She called right before they aired the news." You say and he shutters.
"Its so spooky to think of people talking about it on TV, other people knowing this" He sighs, lighting a cigarette.
"I just cannot even imagine what the real world is going to be like without him. I've just been in my own little bubble dealing with the concept of him dyi—being gone, but going out to the funeral and to the grocery store and even fucking turning on the radio just seems impossible right now" He says, his voice breaking again.
"I know. Don't think about it too much, you don't need to rush into the real world." You reassure him, gently stroking his forearm. He takes another drag of a cigarette and doesn't say anything, instead staring pensively at a ring on the table.
Just then you hear a jangle of keys at the door and turn to see Jimmy, Lisa and Virginia all walking through Dave's door.
"Hey honey" Virginia says in a broken tone, thick with tears, running over to wrap her arms around her son.
While she greets Dave Jimmy immediately comes over to you and wraps you in a big bear hug. Jimmy had always been like an older brother to you and having him here gave you the strength to keep face and not begin to cry, in front of Dave at least.
After everyone exchanges greetings Virginia states, "Dave you need to eat something"
She goes over to the fridge and opens it up to reveal beer, baking soda and some mustard, "There's no food in the house" she says as she opens some more cabinets that contain nothing but old soup cans and saltines.
"Jimmy honey, could you run to the store—just get a couple of essentials sweetie, not too much" She says handing him a twenty and you immediately volunteer to join him.
"I'll give you guys some family time" You whisper to Virginia as you grab your coat and follow Jim, giving Dave an affectionate kiss on the top of his head as you go.
"Do you want to have a smoke before we go?" You ask, your voice shaking and Jimmy nods.
You pull out your pack and hand one to him. You stand in silence, leaning against the outside of Dave's house not saying anything because you don't know what to say.
"What the fuck dude" Jimmy finally says in a voice barely above a whisper, "What the fuck was Kurt thinking?"
"I'm not even trying to think about it, if I think about it too long I'll burst into tears, I know I will and I can't do that—I need to be strong for Dave" You respond, half talking to yourself.
"Look Jules, I totally get you wanting to be strong for Dave and I think you're handling that the right way, but its me you're talking to right now, you can relax around me" He says and his cue is all the push you need to let the flood gates open.
"Its just, its so...overwhelming Jim, he had a wife and a daughter, he had people counting on him, he had millions of people who owed their lives to him, so many fans who were so devoted to him. Besides just Dave think of all the people this hurt, all the people in pain" You cry out and Jimmy wraps a protective arm around you, pulling you in for a hug.
"I know he was hurting and I know we should've seen it coming but I just cant wrap my head around any of it, and I can't even imagine what Dave is going through on the inside, he hasn't let a ton out but even the fact that he let me see him cry shows he's in a really dark place. I just don't know what to do, I don't know how to handle this." You continue and Jimmy strokes your hair in a soothing motion as you sob into his chest.
"He doesn't need anything specific from you Jules. I know how crazy you two are about each other, even if you aren't together, and the fact that you're here and being strong and stable is enough for him right now"
"I love you Jim" You sigh, hugging him back and he clears his throat uncomfortably. Jimmy had never been one for expressing emotions, even just friendly ones, he was still very old school Virginia in that way.
"You, um, you know I care about you Julia" He says awkwardly and for the first time in what feels like years you smile at his discomfort.
"I'm glad you're here" You add separating from him and taking another drag, "I need my big brother around"
"Anything for Davey" He sighs, stomping out the last of his cigarette butt, "And you of course Julia" He teases and you laugh lightly.
"Let's get out of here so Dave doesn't have to spend too much time getting pampered by his mother" He says and you laugh again. Although laughing during a time like this feels weird, you know it's the only thing keeping you from crying, and you need people like Jim here—to keep you holding on to your sanity, just when you think you're starting to lose it.
