Fire and Ice (Jonathan Toews)

Priorities

Cassidy

I stand along the boards as the zamboni finishes up cleaning up the ice. I had on my practice clothes as my old trusty pair of skates barley hold up under me. I've used these things for eight years now and you can tell. They're kinda gross and falling apart but they're something I'm familiar with so I was going to ride these babies to the bitter end.

They finish up on the zamboni and I take the ice. I had already stretched out and I was just here to brush up on skills. I wasn't going to compete in worlds or anything like that with being pregnant. No one knew that yet except for Jonathan but I wanted to focus on being a mother. Of course I will always find my way back to the ice, but no more routines or tearing myself down so I could build myself up better than before for a while. That was all being put on hold.

I do some easy skills to warm up, some turns and leaps and anything else I don't actually have to think about to perform. After that I get into the harder things like combinations and sequences. I had been on the ice a lot lately because I had a lot to think about and this is the one place where everything makes sense. This is where my mind is clear and my heart is open and I'm just me.

I land a turn sequence then hear some clapping and look up in the bleachers. Patrick and Jonathan was there watching me practice apparently.

"How long have you two been there" I ask skating over so I could be closer and didn't have to yell as much.

"I don't know. Like 10 minutes" Jonathan shrugs.

"How did you not notice" Patrick asks.

"I don't notice much when I'm skating" I admit.

"I wish I had that ability. I got this idiot on my line" Patrick claims nudging Jonny and Jon pushed his shoulder. Boys.

"Is there a reason you're here, besides to distract me" I ask.

"We wanted to know if you wanted to go get lunch when your done" Jonny admits.

"Sure. But I have at least 45 minutes left" I insist.

"That's crazy? What could you possibly do for 45 minutes" Patrick asks.

"Everybody is given the same amount of time in a day Patrick. Life isn't about how many minutes you have in a day, it's about what you do with them" I say skating back towards the ice.

"Are you sure Jonathan isn't your brother not your boyfriend" he asks me.

"Pretty sure" I laugh.

45 minutes later I was done and I shower and change back into street clothes. I find the boys at the front of Johnny's Ice House and we jump into our respective cars before driving to get some pizza. We decide to go to giordanos and find a place to sit in the back unbothered. We order a pizza and breadsticks and drinks before just talking around the table.

The Blackhawks has just eliminated the Sharks in four straight games in the Western Conference Finals and was going to the Stanley cup finals against, most likely at this point, the flyers. The first game wasn't for a while and we were enjoying the last bit of sanity before it was gone. It was the end of May and summer was right around the corner. I wasn't sure of the plans of the future but I knew it was going to be fun with these guys around.

"What was Jonny like as a teenager" Patrick asks and I laugh.

"A lot like he is now" I admit.

"That's boring" he scoffs.

"What you call boring I call intriguing" I defend.

"It's like you guys are the same person" he groans and I laugh.

We eat our food and mess around a bunch. I eat enough pizza for two then listen to Patrick complain that I'm still small even though I ate so much.

"You don't even look pregnant" he insists.

"The baby is about the size of a plum, do you want me to look like I'm carrying like ten kids" I ask.

"No. I just want it to be known so I can tell people I'm going to be a god father" he huffs.

"Well win the cup first and your wish will be granted" I tell him.

"I'm going to win the cup just so I can tell people I am going to be a god father" he insists. A weird reason to want to win the cup, but a reason nonetheless.

We finish up lunch and head home. Patrick goes to his apartment and Jon and I go into his. His parents were about to be down for the finals series and would be staying with us and I couldn't wait. I loved Andreé and Bryan so much, I had so much to learn from them as parents I had so many questions.

"Do you think we should move into a house" Jonathan asks as we lay in bed that night. Nothing but the radio on as we lay cuddled up in bed.

"I don't know. We have a extra room here" I shrug.

"That's true. But we're going to move eventually. Wouldn't it just be easier to do it now instead of getting the kid settled in here than having to move everything to somewhere new" he asks.

"Yeah. I guess so. Where are we going to go" I wonder.

"Well I've looked around and there's a nice little neighborhood where I lived my rookie year with Brent and Duncs. Although I would never live in a house with those imbeciles ever again, the neighborhood was nice and quiet. Granted we were nobody's at the time, no one bothered us. There were some schools around and the crime was low there. It was close to the practice rink and the UC and a short drive into the city" he explains.

"You already found a house you like... didn't you" I laugh.

"No" he claims. "I bought a house I like" he says and my eyes go big.

"Jonathan! When were you planning on telling me about this" I gasp.

"Right now" he claims and I roll my eyes.

"How in the world did you manage to buy a house in the middle of all of this" I ask.

"I love how excited you are about hockey and the Blackhawks and how my team is doing, but believe it or not that isn't my priority right now. When I'm at the rink it is, but I'm only there a few hours a day. Every other second of the minute of the hour of the day I'm trying to make sure I'm being a good boyfriend and a good father. I am terrified of being a dad because when I mess up playing hockey the worst that can happen is that the other team scores. But if I mess up being a Dad the consequences are so much worse. I could lose the baby or you or something I care so deeply about and I don't want that to happen" he claims.

"Calm down" I say softly. I kindly touch his face and look into his big doe eyes. I could tell this had been eating at him and I wish he would have said something earlier.

"No matter what happens I will love you. You know that. We were separated for five years and you moved on and I still loved you. We have been through so much, together and apart, and nothing is going to change my love for you. I'm scared too, but I know there isn't a thing you or I wouldn't do for this baby" I insist and he nods. He closes his eyes and I place a kiss on his lips. "So tell me about our house" I say and he opens his eyes. A little smile comes up and I feel a little better.

"It's awesome. It's two stories, all brick since it gets so cold in Chicago. There's a pool in the back and even a diving board. It's four bedrooms and three bathrooms. There's a huge kitchen and a open living room. The baby's room is right next to ours and it's ready for us to decorate" he explains.

"When are we moving" I ask.

"Not until after your birthday" he claims.

"Alright, So I guess were really doing this" I sigh.

"Yeah, I guess we are."