The Pilot's Lover • Collins (Dunkirk)

Ten.

selfishness
ˈsɛlfɪʃnəs/Submit
noun;
the quality or state of being selfish;
lack of consideration for other people.
synonyms:
egocentrism, egotism, egomania, introversion, self-seeking, self-serving, self-obsession, self-absorption, self-regard, self-interest, self-love

Collins' POV

I don't even understand why I had chosen to wait. I wanted to see if there was a way I could've somehow helped the other soldiers get off the boat.I guess that I was so caught up in what I wanted to do, that I totally ignored her. I was too egocentric to realise that what I had chosen to do might've caused her pain.

I was meant to be keeping her safe myself.

Her pained expressions stuck in my brain, her shouts laced with pain replayed over and over in my head. It was almost unbearable.

Regret continued to seep throughout my body as fire spread in front of me, behind me, and all around me.

I had no choice but to swim.

I took a deep breath and plunged myself under the water and began to kick my legs back and forth.
I had no idea where I was going but I just knew I had to get away from the fire.

My legs burned and my whole body begged me to stop, but there was no chance of happening; unless I wanted to burn alive.

Panic slapped me as I worried about if Betty had made it to a boat before the fire spread. I kept my fingers crossed and continued to push onward.

My uniform had started to weigh me down and I was barley still swimming when the beach came into sight. It was the last place I had wanted to go, but where else was there to go?
The only other way out was death, which was an appealing option at that moment in time, but that would've been unfair;
I still had to get Betty home.

The beach was still quite far and I could barely breathe. My vision began to blur, I was drunk with fatigue. Black dots spiked my sight and I began to fall into the darkness. Although I had drew closer to the beach, I just couldn't find the strength to keep going. The last thing I felt before I was plunged into unconsciousness was my toes reach the sand, pulling me ashore.

****
(Around five hours later)

"Collins! Collins!"
A voice shook me awake.

Pain shot throughout my whole body as I moved my head. The inside of my mouth was dry and longing for even just a drop of water.

"Collins!"
Someone shook me again.

The familiar face shown itself and a feeling of warmth spread throughout my body.

"B-Betty"
I stuttered, not knowing how to respond to the situation.

"Thank g-goodness you're a-alive!"
She choked through sobs, placing her head on my chest.

I stroked her hair, assuring her like many times before.
A moment of realisation hit me;

She wasn't meant to be on this beach. She was meant to be on a boat.
She was meant to be going home.

"W-why are you here?"
I asked.

"There was no choice, after we left you we swam. Well, for about five minutes then I ended up having a panic attack and passing out. So this boy had to drag me through the water onto this beach."
She explained quickly, arms pointing in the boy with the green eyes' direction.

This was all my fault, if I had just have ignored my obsession with being the hero for one moment, we'd possibly be on our way home, Betty would be safe, and we wouldn't be on this damned death-trap-of-a-beach.