1) I eat sweets when I'm stressed because backwords stressed is desserts.
2) When you don't like someone everything they do is offensive.
"Look at that girl over there drinking that mik like she owns the world."
3) Friend:Are you crying?
Me: No I'm just pretending to be a fountin.
4) I think Lady Gaga just puts glue all over herself and rolls around in random shit.
5) So I google myself and it said I was born in 1900 and died in 1974 and I was like OoO OMG people bware I am a ghost!
6) To Do List
.Buy a sword
.Name it kindness
.Kill everybody I hate with kindness
7) Why does Peter Pan fly? He Neverlands.
8) A blond was so dumb she called me to ask what my number was.
