1) I'm not lazy, I'm just on energy saving mode.
2) Sometimes I pretend to be normal, but it gets boring so I go back to being me.
3) YOU WANNA ARGUE!?!?!?! BRING IT! I GOT MY CAP LOCK ON!
4) (This only works if you've seen Death Note. Now Picture Light Yagami holding his death note out.)
Light- "Justin Bieber can I have your autograph?
5) I hate it when I'm at the super market and somebody I know is like "Hey what are you doing here?" And I'm like oh you know just hunting elephants.
6) The word studying comes from two word put together. Students Dying.
7) My friend thinks he's smart, he said onions are the only food that makes you cry......I threw a watermelon at his face.
8) If I worked in a restaurant on Valentines day, I would put fake engagment rings in all the womans glasses.
9) *Mother with her new born baby*
"I think I'll name her Sarah."
*Doctor* "Sorry that name is already taken, but Sarah349 and Sarah943 are still available."
10) DON'T TEXT ME WHILE I'M IN THE MIDDLE OF TEXTING YOU! NOW I HAVE TO CHANGE MY WHOLE TEXT!
11) IT IS half ten quarter twentey five minutes TO past one THREE two four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve o clock.
12)
Carl: I HATE EVERYBODY!
Rob:How can you hate me if you don't know me?
*Shake hands*
Carl:I'm Carl.
Rob:I'm Rob.
Carl:Go fuck yourself.
13) A quiet man is a thinking man, a quiet woman is usually a mad one.
14) No drugs or nuclear weapons in the restroom please.
15)My mood ring isn't a fashin statement. It's court ordered.
16) What it says: Do not touch.
What I read:Touch when nobody is looking.
17)People keep telling my "right person" is going to come along. I think my "right person" got hit by a bus.
18) You can tell a lot about a woman just by looking at her hands. If she's holding a gun she's probably angry.
19) All my life I thought air was free. Then I baught a bag of chips.
20) Do you ever get the feeling somebody is watching you? Because if it's bothering you I'll stop.
21) I know how you feel. I just don't care.
22)I'm a Female. Fe=Iron, male=man. Therefor I am Iron Man.
23)I swear if my memory was any worse I could plan my own surprise party.
24) I love the lines men use to get us into bed. "Please I'll only put it in for a minute." What am I a microwave?
25) The doctor told him he needed more excersize, so I hid the t.v remote three times a week.
26) Dear Santa, does naughty count if you do it very nicely?
27) Has anybody else noticed the symbol & looks like a man dragging his butt across the floor? *Thank you Homer Simpson!*
28) They tried adding healthy food to the office vending machine but all the rotting fruit was making the candy bars taste bad.
29) Every mother gave birth to a child. Except my mother, she gave birth to a legend. HIGH FIVE MOM!
30)The problem is not the problem, the problem is your attitude about the problem. Understand?
