1)Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
2)If you must pick between two evils, pick the one you've never used before.
3)Some people are like Slinkys, not really good for anything but you can't help laugh when one tumbles down the stairs.
4)I never steal, the government hates competition.
5)You cry I cry, you laugh I laugh, you jump off a bridge I laugh even harder.
6)Dear math please stop asking me to find you X she's not coming back.
7)There is a light at the end of every tunnel.....just pray it's not a train.
8)All people have a right to stupidity, some people abuse the privilege.
9)Some people are only alive because it's illegal to shoot them.
10)Teacher: If you have two cupcakes and somebody asks you for one how many do you have left? Me: Two.
11)If karma doesn't come around and bitch slap you in the face............ I will.
12)Honesty is the best policy but insanity is the best defense.
13)The existence of Hogwarts has never been proven false. That's because we're all f***ing muggles.
14)If at first you don't succeed destroy all evidence you tried.
15)Why do men chase woman they have no intention of marrying? The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.
