[please read till the end]
I've mentioned triggering topics in this book, not just to myself but to maybe one of you out there reading this.But I can't say that I am sorry like many people do, I mentioned it so I would get a chance to speak about it.Depression, anxiety, suicidal thoughts and addiction can take a hold of anyone, it can make you blind thinking that the world has no specific color.So, for the last thing, I am going to do, uhm...I am going to cover those topics with as much of research I can.
I have no intention to make anyone angry at the statements I am going to say, I will not give you sugarcoated words and I will most certainly speak the truth.I've gone through depression and many other topics I have listed, and for a very long time as well.So that gives me the right to talk about this as I wish and as I have intended to.I may come off as a rude and stubborn person for not telling you you're perfect, beautiful, skinny, smart, etc.But I have a very good reason for that, so read on to understand more.
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People think depression is sadness. People think depression is crying. People think depression is dressing in black. But people are wrong. Depression is the constant feeling of being numb. Being numb to emotions, being numb to lie. You wake up in the morning just to go back to bed again. Days aren't really days; they are just annoying obstacles that need to be faced. And how do you face them? Through medication, through drinking, through smoking, through drugs, through cutting. When you're depressed, you grasp onto anything that can get through the day. That's what depression is, not sadness or tears, it's the overwhelming sense of numbness and the desire for anything that can help you make it from one day to the next.
I used to stand in front of a mirror, pointing out my flaws, and pointing out my weakness.I was weak to judgment, words themselves could hurt me, I started to obsess how others see me, I started to obsess so much because I couldn't fit their expectations and dreams, which got me to ignore my own.I grew up with endless darkness, tears being shed because of my own family which could never learn how to love someone their own flesh and blood.Yet, my parents still smiled and laughed, making my day an endless sunshine.Now, that I am older, I fight as well.I fight with some of my family members to show them where I stand, and who I am.But it doesn't last for long.I have been judged, yelled at, and even kicked out of my house over these years.And still, I decided to stay.Being a constant target was hard for me, not just in my own bloodline but also with the people I had no relation to.I felt worthless, annoying, stupid and weak.Everything that I have listed that Funneh has gone through, is connected to me and my life in a way.I wrote that book with my heart which was dealing with hell.One day, in this year, I had enough.I wanted to end everything, even myself, but I didn't.I stood awake in my room in the middle of the night and did what I never thought I had the courage to do.I made a decision to make myself happy.I was sick of everyone giving me endless crap.I stopped caring about the people who gave me fake love and affection and I started to appreciate the ones who made me smile, even if they didn't realize it at times.For me, it's the little things which matter.I told my parents and it all went on to me going to a therapist, but I denied any therapy they would want to give me.If someone was going to make me live life and smile like some idiot while holding my head high, that was going to be me.One of the ways I decided to make myself happy is to focus on my strength and focus on my religion which has helped me as well.So I challenge you, to make yourself H A P P Y, no matter how hard it is, be patient and it will all work out by itself.
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"Suicide doesn't end the pain, it just gives it to someone else."
im being rude and honest now people.
Who are we to feel sorry for ourselves?
We have starving people in this world,
we have people who are unable to move their bodies,
people who are trying to live,
people who have others waiting for them to wake up,
we have people who don't have any limbs.
What's your reason for sorry for yourself?
I know that being depressed is hard.I know it hurts.I know you can't focus because of anxiety.I know you can't live with suicidal thoughts haunting you.But you know what else?
It is your fault if you cut yourself.It is you who took that razor and pulled it on your skin.It is you who can't let go of what society says and wants.So if you have self-harm scars, don't go around saying people hurt you.Did they take the razor and cut your skin apart?Or was it you being naive and vulnerable?
Life is hard, no one promised that it would be easy.And honestly, if it was easy it would be boring.Teachers could go around giving A's to every student, but they don't because you have to prove your knowledge.
So, go and prove yourself to you your own mind.Go and prove yourself to your heart and eyes.Everyone has something we can love about them, and so do you.
I am not putting myself in the place of a victim.I am putting myself in the place of a person who understands you because I went through the same things that you are dealing with.
I have been bullied, I have almost committed suicide and I have been beaten up by one of the people I trusted.So if I can be happy, so can you.Open your eyes and look at the world away from yourself.People need help.Everyone needs help in some way.
And you, yes you.If you are not depressed or suicidal I beg of you to not go around into people's faces saying "YOU'RE NOT ALONE" "IT WILL GET BETTER" I am asking you to stop playing games and help those individuals.Even if they say don't need or want help, don't listen to them.Offer help until it annoys them to acceptance.
That's all I have to say.Thank you for reading my book, and thank you for the lovely support.
And always remember, there is true happiness and that you are going to find it, but the only way to find it is to have the courage to look at the world out of your mind and in different eyes.
If you need to talk, or any help with anything, feel free to message me.If this got you mad, I don't care, it was honest and straight to the point.
love you, because you are worth being loved and cared for, but mostly and firstly, by yourself.
YOU ARE READING
moiety - falec & fevan ff
Fanfiction*trigger warning* Evan mixes with the new feelings between Funneh and Alec, slightly from his growing jealousy. Who will she fall in love with? Who will be left with a heartbreak and a few spoken words? Who has love on their side? - - - Takes place...
