My first marriage ended after 7 years. We were young, we rushed into it. It was surprising that we actually lasted that long.
But I filed for divorce in late November, he was served the last week of the month. Before January 10th (his birthday) he was already living with someone new. Someone my young kids were to call 'mommy'.
This last week I have worn the most revealing nightgown - if you can even call it that it's more a chemise - and my husband hasn't even looked at me.
I've worn it almost all day today trying to get his attention.
Instead he's watching Fox News and listening to Minnesota Twins Baseball talk show.
I can only tell you it has been over 2 years since we've had sex.
There are body image issues. Hell I have scars from surgeries that took place all this year, just trying to stay alive.
But he won't look at me.
He hasn't looked at me in that way since our son was conceived. I pretty much had to have my way with him, on our anniversary, while he was asleep. That is how our son was conceived.
I know I have let myself go a little slack this past year. I've been trying to do everything the doctors tell me, just so I'm not pushing daisies. I don't always wear makeup. I live in leggings or jeans. Heels are my nemesis. My hair - well it's been falling out a lot.
But that doesn't mean that I don't have desires. I don't have wants.
Right now I feel like I have an obnoxious roommate, not a husband.
Why am I not enough?
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