Still Into You

SIY; Chapter Twenty One

___

 " In too deep, can't think about giving it up, but I never knew love would feel like a heart attack, it's killing me, swear I never cried so much, cause I never knew love would hurt this fuckin' bad;

the worst pain that I ever had."

Trey Songz ; Heart Attack

___

.

"Sometimes it feels like I hate every aspect of you but deep inside I know it's a lie because every time we fought I wouldn't come back, if I hated you I wouldn't be so happy in your arms." I shook my head lightly as I spoke out loud to know one i particular, It was dark and a bit chilly and I found myself wrapped up in one of y mom's patio blankets and rocking slowly on her hammock.

"But every time we have a split of happiness I have to be dumb and screw it all up." I chuckled to myself as my mind racked through all of the memories, good ones, bad ones and every single one in between.

Looking out at the night sky I breathed lightly as I looked up at the stars, it amazed me at how bright they could be. how they were able to shine through the darkness shine so bright that people millions and millions of miles away could see.

Great, I'm jealous of stars.

Pulling the blanket closer onto my body I just sat there staring, thinking, driving myself insane, second by second.

"Zendaya?" A voice muttered as the back screen door flung open and out stepped Bella with a cover wrapped around her small frame and a tight smile tugged on her lips as she made her way over to me and took it upon herself to jump in the hammock right next to me.

"I know you're out here blaming yourself." She read me like an open book as she layed her head on my shoulder and looked up at the night sky just as I was. " I'm not here to tell you to stop either." She shrugged.

"I'll let you go on blaming yourself til you realize you're not the one to blame." She gently wrapped her arms around me in a hug that I very much needed.

We stayed silent a long moment after that the only thing that could be heard was the cars rushing past somewhere in the distance and the light breeze that engulfed us both.

"I think I'm going to break up with him." I blurted once the silence had got unbearable. "For good." I choked down all of the feelings that were telling me otherwise.

"But I'm afraid that if I lose him, I'll lose who I gave all of my love to." I stated directly after as a hot tear rolled down the side of my cheek, Bella tightened the hug and kissed my forehead.

"If breaking up with him will prevent nights like these." She gulped unsure of what to say next. "I say do it because I hate what he's doing to you and I hate that when you're crying everyone is by your side except him."

"It's killing me." I mumbled fighting back all of the tears that were just threatening to spill every time I opened my mouth it pained me so much that I couldn't handle it at times. "Worst pain that I ever had."

.||.

The sun was shinning brighter than anything I had ever witnessed as it woke me up from my slumber, well it was mostly Bella's limbs hanging all over me and now that I think of it she was really cramped on this small thing but yet she put up with it because she knew I had needed her.

Getting up quietly fro the hammock I tip toed myself back into the house to get prepared for today's events and hopefully I won't be drowned in tears by the time it's done.