“Why?” he asked when I went silent for awhile. I swallowed hard.
“The money I used to donate to you. That and a hell of a lot more was all inherited,” I explained. He nodded slowly. “Two years ago now I lost both my parents and my brother to a fatal car accident,” I explained and this time his eyes widened.
“I am so sorry,” he said as I took a moment to stop myself from crying. I cried enough, there really wasn’t a point anymore. I nodded slowly sniffing and taking a deep breath. I shook my head shutting my eyes as flashes of going home and not seeing the car then the police knocking on my door the next day went through my mind.
“I was playing a small show at bar down town in Montreal, my family came to support me. They were my biggest fans. At the end they offered to drive me home but a few friends were there so I said I would hang out with them for awhile so they went home,” I paused and I soon felt his hand go on my knee. I looked down at it finding strength to continue. “I went home later that night and the car wasn’t in the drive way, I called them and called them but in the morning two police officers came to my door telling me they hit some black ice and crashed over the bridge into the icey water. They managed to retrieve the bodies but they all died,” I explained. Joey squeezed my knee sympathetically.
“That’s terrible,” he said in a low tone and I nodded.
“It scares me so much still thinking about how frightened they must have been, drowning in the ice cold water,” I said but this time I couldn’t help but let a tear escape my eye.
“I’m so sorry that happened to you,” he explained and I nodded. “Is that why you choose to come down to LA during the winter? Cause it reminds you too much of what happened?” he asked curiously in a gentle tone. I looked up at him slightly surprised. That hadn’t occurred to me.
“To be honest I never thought about it, subconsciously yea that’s probably the reason,” I explained. He nodded slowly. “I guess part of me still feels guilty,” I explained.
“Guilty?” he questioned looking at me worried.
“I should have been in that car with them, I’m sure the four of us could have found a way to survive, but instead they’re all dead and I’m still alive, it’s just not fair,” I explained looking away.
“Don’t talk like that, if anything I’m sure they’re happy at least one member of the family got to survive, at least someone will live on to have a fulfilling life,” he tried to explained to lighten the mood. I shrugged.
“It’s hard to think like that you know, I feel so alone. Part of me feels like I deserve to be alone. I mean if it weren’t for me they wouldn’t have even had to go over the bridge that night, they would have been safe at home,” I explained. He shook his head.
“You can’t blame yourself. In life things just happen, it might not be fair but I’m sure they wouldn’t want you beating yourself up about it. I bet you anything they’re happy because their last memory was of you, doing what you love, their last feelings were joy and pride in their daughter and sister,” he explained. I sighed with another shrug.
“It’s just hard to forgive myself, I’m the last one of my family left. I have no one who cares and loves me the way they did, don’t even have friends anymore cause I used to be so depressed that I just shut everyone out,” I explained. Joey stroked my knee with his thumb. I looked down at it again and sighed. I placed my hand on top of his and patted it gently. “Anyways it’s in the past. I manage. Some days are harder than others but I’ll be okay and I mean it when I say I appreciate you asking. It’s been awhile since I’ve had someone be curious about my life,” I explained.
“Thanks for telling me. I can’t imagine how hard it must have been,” he explained and I just nodded slowly. “Can I just offer some advice? You don’t have to agree or even listen but I just think you shouldn’t give up on life. You should instead honor their name and make them proud of the life you make for yourself. You have money to help you do whatever you want whether it be traveling or finishing school or opening up a business you can do it and I’m sure your family would be smiling down at you if they saw you achieve something great in life,” he explained. I looked up into his kind eyes and nodded my head slowly this time instead of just shrugged.
“I know you’re right. I just don’t know how anymore, I don’t know how to be happy with life knowing my parents and brother are buried under ground no longer able to experience things. They were all so young,” I explained. He nodded slowly with a look of sympathy.
“It won’t be easy and you’ll always miss them but just keep telling yourself that they wouldn’t want this for you, they wouldn’t want you to be alone, they’d want you to be happy,” he explained. I nodded again this time listening to the things he was saying.
“I guess I can try. I can start by going back to school in the fall. I only had one year left anyways. For now I guess I can concentrate on being more social and making some friends I can look forwards to visiting in the future,” I explained.
“That’s the spirit and hey you’ve already started on that,” he explained. I eyes him curiously as he opened his arms with a brighter smiling. “Me, we’re officially friends,” he exclaimed happily. I laughed slightly looking away.
“You’re not just saying that because you feel sorry for me are you?” I asked.
“Not at all, you’re a nice person Jen, one that I wouldn’t mind seeing again. Which is saying a lot considering I was originally not even looking forward to today but after I met you I’m glad I did,” he explained. I smiled looking down.
“Cool, so friends?” I asked putting out my hands. Joey just gave me a look like I was crazy and smiled.
“Come on girl friends hug,” he declared opening his arms and pulling me into the tightest hug I’ve ever gotten. I slowly wrapped my arms around him giving him a small squeeze and rest my chin comfortably on his shoulder. “If you ever need to talk about don’t hesitate to tell me,” he said gently in my ear. “Do you hear me?” he asked when I didn’t respond. I nodded my head.
“Thank you,” I responded and I meant it. In the few short hours I’ve known him he’s already done so much for me and I honestly saw a brighter future thinking of him being in my life.
Part 5
Start from the beginning
