Incase (A Demi Lovato Fanfic)

ChpaterThirtySix

Miyah'sPOV

Slamming the door I huddled against it. Shaking. Wow. This was my first proper argument with Demi. It was so hard; I love her to pieces. But it just feels like she doesn't get it. I don't need to rely on medication. 

I stood up and walked into my ensuite. Catching my reflection in the mirror I sighed. Ew. Ew. Ew. I opened my cabinet, searching rapidly. I needed something. I hadn't had this urge in ages. I needed a release; I don't want to hurt anyone else.. I might as well take it out on myself. Myself, a worthless piece of shit.

Picking up my razor blade I began trying to rip it apart. 

"Come on" I hissed angrily.

I pulled hard, tearing away the plastic. Finally one of the blades came loose, enough for me to pull it out. Leaning against the sink, I sunk to the floor, knees huddled against my chest and held the blade in my hand. My desire to relapse was strong, but part of me was fighting agaisnt it. I slowly brought the blade closer to my arm. Staring against the ugly scars that snaked my arm. As I pressed it against my skin and dragged it backwards I heard a gasp. Looking up Marissa was stood right in front of me, blood was running down my arm. She lunged foward trying to get it out of my hands.

"Miyah. Give that here now." She said.

"No. Marissa piss off." I tried fighting her of me.

She was now pratically on top of me as she peeled it out of my hand. Slicing both of our hands open in the process. As the blade sliced against her skin she yelped, standing up. She calmly bent down and picked up the broken up razor, she stashed it in her pocket then sat next to me. Now I was crying harder than before. I felt worse than before, it didn't help.. it only stung. It was stining a lot. Why was it hurting.

She held me close and I cried into her shoulder. 

"Shhhhhh." She soothed stroking my hair.

"W-why are you in here?" I sniffled.

"Demi sent me up, she was in hysterics down stairs.. She asked me to tell you we're going to your therapist at 6." She explained.

I looked down at her hand, it was quite deep.

"Want a bandage?" I nodded towards her hand.

"Please." She smiled.

Going into the cabinet I pulled out a first aid box. I wrapped a bandage carefully around her hand then around my wrist and pulled my hoodie sleeve back down.

After about 10 minutes Demi came in. Her eyes red and puffy.

"I'm so sorry baby." She knelt infront of me and hugged me tight.

"I'm sorry too, I didn't mean anything I said, I promise." I mumbled.

"Me either, I was hurt that you didn't tell me. I love you Miyah, you're my world. I want you to tell me everything, I want to help you." Demi said.

Marissa nodded towards my arm, Demi also looked down at it.

"What happened?" She questioned pulling my sleeve down.

"I,,, urr.."

Marissa pulled the broken razor out her pocket and it clattered to the floor.

"The fuck happened to your hand?" She grabbed Marissa's hand.

"I was wrestling this blade of Miyah and in the process it cut me." She said. "Sorry, I didn't stop her in time from cutting herself, but I stopped her as soon as I got here."

"Demi." I whined. "It hurt. Demi. It hurt." 

Marissa nodded and left the room. Leaving just me and Demi.

"It's called recovery. It hurts now because you're getting better. It won't work any more." She snuggled close to me. "Soon after rehab it hurt. That is when I finally realised. What am I doing? I realised how badly I wanted to recover."

"I'm sorry Demi." I began to cry again.

"Don't be sorry, you was angry and so was I. Look I just love you so much, without you I don't know what I'd do. I never want to loose you, I just want you better." Demi also began to cry.

I wipped her tears with my sleeve. Looking at her phone Demi shot up.

"We better leave come on." She called Marissa and grabbed my hand; leading us to the car.

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

Sitting in the waiting room I stared around awkwardly. Demi held my hand and every now and again she gave me a reasurring squeeze. We had dropped Marissa off at the shopping centre as she wanted to buy some new clothes.

"Miyah Lovato" The voice in the speaker called. "Room 5"

Demi stood up and pratically dragged me behind her, entering the room Sarah gestured us to sit down.

"Right. Demi. First things first. Did you pick up her meds?" She asked.

I shot Demi a evil look.

"Yes. I picked them all up earlier." She replied. 

"Ok, Miyah you will start your course of meds tonight. Take the first lot tonight then continue tomorrow morning. One of each everyday." 

I nodded.

"Now let's talk. Why haven't you been taking your medication I think would be the best thing to start with."

"I don't need it." I muttered; staring at the ground.

"We are the medical team and we beg to differ Miyah. You have it for a reason." She said.

"bu.." I began.

"No buts. You take it or you will end up back in the secure unit. Is that what you want?" 

I shook my head.

"Okay. Now that is clear, what about therapy?" She asked.

I shrugged. 

"You can talk ya know." Sarah said.

"I didn't feel the point. The group therapy was full of loonies that actually needed it. I'm fine, I don't need to discuss my 'problems' amongst a group. It is pretty fucked." I replied bluntly.

Demi lightly kicked my leg and shot me the 'no' eyes.

"Well conditions on you leaving the hospital was medication and both threapies. You will attend my counselling once a week. Tuesdays at 5pm. If you don't come we will put you back in the hospital. The group therapy is Friday at 4pm. You will also need to attend that. Group therapy you're allowed to bring one guest with you and it lasts one hour. Is this all clear?"

"Crystal." I replied.

"Thank-you for coming. I will see you Tuesday." She stood up and allowed me to leave. 

I turned to wait for Demi but Demi pushed me out the door and told me to wait outside whilst she talked to Sarah.

I walked up and down the corridors. Occasionally passing people. It was weird. They seemed genuinely ill. Then there was me. Just fucked up.