you. | sean lew

chapter twenty-three

march sixteen ; day thirty

it was three in the morning, and sean hasn't even gotten a wink of sleep. he's found himself tossing and turning for the past five hours, his mind racing.

even in the afternoon, he was too preoccupied with his own thoughts he couldn't even chat with julian for a mere ten minutes and sent him away.

he stares at the ceiling, recalling the past month.

to think just thirty days ago, he was this gawky, awkward seventeen year old with no experience with girls whatsoever. he was just a boy with a seemingly hopeless crush on a girl who didn't acknowledge his existence.

as overdramatic as it may sound, he had accepted the fact that it would take years for someone to fall in love with him.

he was fine with all of that, but deep down it saddened him, making him question how it was so easy for everyone else and why it was so difficult for him.

and maybe he was in love with the mere idea of a girl; the person he made her out to be in his imagination. the girl who seemed like she had it all: the grades, the looks, the popularity.

but within just a matter of thirty days, it was no longer an idea. he was finding out bits and pieces of this girl as the days went on, and it made him love her even more.

he was in love with vivian arman.

"you know what? fuck it," he says as he gets out of bed and quickly puts on a random hoodie and sweats. he grabs his car keys from the corner of his desk and slips out of his room via the ladder outside his window.

he sneaks his way past he garden and to his car, praying the sound of his engine starting won't wake anyone up.

"i don't give a shit if i get held back anymore," he mutters.

in fact, he didn't care about anything at all except for that he loved vivian, and he wanted to make her know that even if she didn't feel the same way.

he spends the rest of the fifteen minute drive trying to scatter through his thoughts and figure out what he was going to say.

he parks in front of her house, realizing he had not thought any of this through at all. it was nearly four in the morning of a school day, and vivian was probably sound asleep.

he walks to the back of her house as quietly as he possibly can. without even thinking he climbs the tree in attempts to reach her bedroom window.

"oh god," he looks down at the twenty feet below him.

he closes his eyes and flings himself to the edge of her balcony, making a loud thud noise. the lights flash on and a sleepy vivian opens the screen door leading to her room.

"sean, is that you?" she gasps. "are you okay?"

"vivian, oh my god," he struggles to stand up and straightens himself out.

"why are you here? it's four a.m.," she brushes a piece of her hair behind her ear.

he starts, "i just need to get this off my chest so here goes,"

he stops himself for a moment but continues knowing that everything he wanted to say needed to be said, despite whatever consequences it may have in the end.

he continues, "ever since i first saw you walk through those doors into english freshman year, i had no doubts that you were the most beautiful girl i had ever seen, seriously."

he pauses his rambling for a moment to catch his breath, seeing vivian's lips curve into a smile.

"and god, okay, i never thought i'd be telling you this, but i've had a crush on you ever since then. three fucking years, viv, that's insane. but i could never gather up the courage to speak to you because you're you, and i'm just this really awkward boy who just a month ago never held hands with a girl-"

vivian places her hand on his shoulder, whispering, "sean,"

"wait– let me a finish. what i'm trying to say here is i get this really warm feeling when i'm around you, vivian. i've never felt this around anyone. and i've never been this happy in my life, and i want to feel that way for a really long time."

he takes a deep breath and looks into vivian's eyes, "i love you."

he looks at the ground, hearing the crickets start to chirp, and says, "oh god, i know this is really bad timing, and you probably don't feel the same bu-"

vivian cuts him off, lifting his chin up to look at him, "no, no, you came at just the right time."

she wraps her arms around the back of his neck and whispers into his ear, "i love you too, sean."

a smile creeps onto sean's face as he hears those words and hugs her even tighter.

"you do? you really do?" he says, still hugging her tightly.

"yes, i am so insanely in love with you sean," she says as they pull away from one another.

the twinkle in her eyes reappears and without hesitation, sean presses his lips against hers. she's caught off guard for a second but doesn't hesitate, and kisses him back.

as they pull away from one another, cheeks flushing red, she says, "and i thought i was crazy because we've only known each other, for like what, a month? is it even possible to fall in love with someone one within a month?"

"i guess so," he shyly rubs the back of his neck.

"i guess so," she repeats, biting her lip.

;

sean returns home over an hour later, leaving him only two hours until school starts, but that didn't matter to him.

he climbs back into bed feeling euphoric, something he hasn't felt in a while considering it was almost always replaced by the feeling of worry and regret.

just as he's about to close his eyes, his phone buzzes from the side table. he almost doesn't pick it up, but out of curiosity towards whoever was texting him at five in the morning, he does.

he rubs his eyes as the brightness of his phone and squints to see he message.

from: kenneth
i did some sleuthing around and i found something

from sean:
can't you just tell me in two hours at school? i can barely keep my eyes open.

from: kenneth
trust me, you're going to want to hear it now
call me

sean rolls his eyes but lazily inputs kenneth's number and calls.

"so what'd you find?" sean yawns.

"remember that midterm you said you needed to get a ninety something or whatever?" kenneth responds.

"yeah, but i didn't get the grade i needed. why?"

"yes, you did," kenneth says in a serious tone. "you got a perfect score on it."

sean immediately shoots up from his bed, "what?"

"james changed some of the answers on your scantron."

sean's face scrunches as he tries to wrap his head around what he was hearing.

"okay i'll explain more at school, but do you get what this means sean? you're passing every single class," kenneth starts. "you're not going to be held back."