One Day Love Will Be True: A Niam Love Story

The Right Words to Say

-AN-

I currently have two chapters up of a Ziall fan fic I just started! I will be working on both. I hope you guys enjoy the love-y ness.

I know he's in the shower. I know he's in the shower probably crying and feeling bad about everything that happened. My hands are tied, I don't know what to do. I could walk in there and comfort him pretending that nothing ever happened, but something did happen. If I just forgive him without working it out with myself I know that it'll come up in every fight we have. Oh, you didn't like the way I spoke to you, well remember that one time you   left me feeling loveless over witnessing a fight? Fuck, I'm looking into the future and I haven't even handled the present. We aren't even made up. I'm not even sure if I forgive him. 

I take a deep breath and realize that no matter what, even if Liam and I don't get involved romantically, he was still my best mate and we need him for the band. I walk over to the bathroom door stopping to collect my thoughts before I enter. I don't really want to walk in to see a naked Liam. Lust is not something I should really be focusing on right now. Another deep breath and I turn the handle. Almost instantly I hear him crying in the shower. The shower curtain is pretty transparent so I can see that he's not even standing up. I grab a towel and stick my hand in the front of the shower so I can turn off the water without looking at him. 

"Liam, get up mate, come out here and talk." I notice that he hasn't even look out so I whisper out an almost desperate sounding "Please Liam." He doesn't look up, but he reaches out his hand to grab the towel that I have in my hand. "Just go back to the room Niall and I'll be out in a second."

Relieved I say okay and walk out of the bathroom closing the door. I hear him come out and I'm glad that he wasn't lying and just trying to get me to leave. I sit back down on the bed and hear him shuffling around in the bathroom muttering to himself. I don't get closer because I'm terrified of what I'm going to hear. I don't know why I'm scared, but I am. I know he's not going to hurt me again. I saw him when he opened the door, he looked like shit. Smelled pretty bad too. When he went upstairs Louis told me about how he hasn't isn't since they got back from the talk and how he wasn't even sure if he had moved other than from the bed to the computer. I was sad that he felt so bad, but he tore me apart. I know he didn't do it on purpose, but it still hurt   worse than anything I've ever experienced before. 

I hear the door open and I didn't even notice that i was holding my breath until he sat down next to me and I took in a deep breath. I don't know what to say. I don't know how to start this. I don't know how to feel.

Then as if he read my mind he starts to talk to me in a low husky whisper that I can barely hear, "I'm so sorry. I'm so so sorry I" he stops and runs his hands over his head like he's trying to drag out the right words to say and continues " I feel so broken right now and I'm sorry. I'm sorry because I know that if I'm in this shape that you must have been worse when it all happened. I'm not supposed to make you feel that way. I'm never supposed to make you feel that way. Neither as your best friend or your lover which I became the night before. I never wanted to hurt you I would never want to hurt you. I was scared. I was scared because unlike bossing the lads around and singing, I have no idea what I'm doing with love. I can sing without thinking and yelling at the lot of you has become second nature too, but feeling this way is so new to me. It's so overwhelming it's scary. It's so scary that I took the first thing that I could use to defend being scared and justified all of my fears. I stood there because I was fighting myself. I couldn't move to chase after you because all of my brain was focused on fighting this war. This war that was caring about everyone else vs caring about you and me. I have always been the responsible one and as a side effect I've always been worried about doing the right thing. I've learned though. I've learned that choosing you, choosing love, it could never be wrong. Ever. I know that I can never take that moment back. I know that I can never make you not feel the hurt you felt. I wish I could. I wish I could feel all of it myself. I wish I could go back to that morning. I wish I could make them not fight. I wish I could have turned to you and watched you sleep and when you woke up tell you how much I love you. I made so many mistakes and I have so many regrets and we were barely together. I understand why you wouldn't want me, but I want you and you're wonderful. You're everything I'm not. You're carefree. You're happy. You have a sense of humor. You love everyone. I just, I can't imagine not having you in my life, so even if we don't end up together. I want you as my best mate like you always were."

He didn't look at me once. He said all of this staring at the floor crying. I could see the tears fall and land on the carpet. I'm crying too. I can't. I don't know how to handle it. I've spent the past two days being incredibly pissed at Liam and now all I want to do is comfort him. Turns out that no matter what I thought he was thinking something 12 times worse. Is it smart to continue again, is it smart to run back into his arms and his bed and forget it all? Or is the best option to just pretend it never happened and restore our friendship. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but maybe it's the best for all of us.

"We can always work on being friends again. I know it'll be awkward because of everything that happened, but I want to always be here for you. I want to always have your back and know you have mine. I love you, you know that, but maybe responsible Liam was right. Maybe we shouldn't risk everything for us. Maybe we shouldn't be selfish. Please don't think that I don't want you. You know I've never wanted anyone more, but I feel like it's for the best." 

He looks me in the eyes and I know he understands and he's not going to throw a fit, but I can see something brewing in his head. Right on cue Liam says, "One last kiss. One last kiss before we pretend this ever happened"

I stared at the floor. I know this is a bad idea, but he's the love of my life and I'm about to let him go. I think I should allow myself a kiss, so I nod yes. Liam stands up and offers me a hand and pulls me up as well. I'm still staring at the floor when I feel Liam pull my chin up. I look into his eyes for one second before I feel his lips come crashing down to mine and close my eyes. 

It's like heaven. Imagine every happy feeling every felt and think how all of them flowing through your body at once would feel like. He wrapped his arms around my waist and pulled me closer as I wrapped my arms around his neck. It's almost as if we aren't parting ways. Wait, we're parting ways. The realization hits me that this is a goodbye kiss and I feel the tears well up and start to fall out of my eyes. I can't cry in front of him again, so I pull away, look down, give him one last hug and run out the door.

Friendship will never be good enough.