One Day Love Will Be True: A Niam Love Story

Moving Forward

AN-

Sorry it took so long for me to get around to it! I'm updating!!! now…. Did any of you guys get MSG tickets if you live in America? I tried…they were sold out like immediately. It wouldn’t let me buy any =/ And sorry it’s so late. Today is my birthday, but I told you guys I would post!  

"Ahem" says Harry loudly clearing his throat. "I don't want to hear you guys ever call me pervert again, you just snogged in front of all of us"

Zayn replies "If it wasn't for the fact you guys weren't made public yet, you'd probably have sex on the couch so shut it."

Louis pretends to be offended as he says "How dare you question my morals?! I am appalled!"

Eventually we just all start laughing. I realize that Liam and I probably need to talk, so I give Zayn the "get out of here look" and say "Didn't you guys say you had to go shopping today"

"Right, shopping. Yeah we do, come on Larry"

"Who is Larry?" Liam asks

To which Harry replies, "Zayn is so lazy he doesn't feel the need to call Louis and I by our names, so he just says Larry whenever he wants the two of us."

Zayn giggles and says "Yep, now I need one for you guys...Liall? Niam? I guess I'll go with Niam. Liall on special occasions" He winks at us as he walks towards the door with the guys.

I thought that they were just going to walk out the door then Harry comes sprinting back into the room yelling "Don't do anything I wouldn't do!" to which I reply "That would leave nothing." He says "Exactly" and runs out the door in a fit of giggles with Louis.

Then the door locks and I just look at Liam. I try to make sure this moment is remembered forever, not because it was our first moment and hopefully it won’t be our last, but I just want to make sure if things change today, I see him like he is now. He’s just sitting here elbows on his knees staring at me. I can’t tell whether it’s with confusion, anger, doubt, love, lust, or emotion really. He looks blank and that’s scaring me because I feel like all the love I’m capable of is shining out of my eyes. I hope everything is ok.

I ask him, “Are you alright? I mean seriously.”

“I’m confused” he replies and stops to take a deep breath.

Now I’m worried, he sounds like he’s about to give me a lecture. This is the serious side of Liam that I don’t often see or want to see if I’m being honest.

“Niall, I just don’t know what to do. It’s weird because I’d normally come to you to weigh out the pros and cons, but it’s you that is on my mind. Are we sure about this? Is this going to damage the band? What if we break up? What if we go so far and can’t stop and then the managers tells us we can’t be together? What if they force us to get girlfriends? What if this is just a phase? How do we know we’re not about to fuck anything up?”

I stare at the wall for a while, don’t ask me how long because I don’t know, and I just got up. I had nothing to say. I was on the verge of tears and I would be damned before I cried in front of Liam again. No one is that important right? That’s what the guys always say when they’re trying to get me to calm down after normal break ups. I know, this is not a break up because we never were together, but it feels like it. There are so many feelings I’m trying to control right now, thankfully what he said took all the happiness out, so I guess that helps…

I’m so disappointed. I’m disappointed in myself. I’m disappointed in Liam. I’m disappointed with this weird if it’s love it’ll always be right shit that people try to shove at you. I’m just, tired. I’ve made it up the stairs without looking back. I wonder if I can continue on with my life without looking back. If I can take back that kiss or those kisses. If I could remove the memory of how his skin feels on mine out of my head. I want to kick my door open, but I also don’t want to make a scene, so I just walk in, shut the door and throw myself on the bed. There’s been plenty of girls who have broken my heart, most of them before the fame, but this is a feeling that I’ve never felt before. It hurts to breathe, can I ever get back on stage with him again? Can we make this into a friendship? I guess I can always pretend, I can always pretend that I didn’t love the way his kiss felt or his hands felt.