McHanzo

Chapter 19

-Third Person-
    Hanzo took a nap after finally seeing Jesse. Waking up, he found himself warmer than usual. After that brief realization, he looked over to find Jesse peacefully asleep. Except, Hanzo was disturbed. After not being with Jesse, he realized how much power he was giving him. He could just leave and make Hanzo debatably the most miserable person to ever be conceived. This thought scared him to no end as he realized that he was so blinded by love, he didn't even realize the consequences. All those warm hugs, insatiable kisses, and endearing smiles would eventually just be a painful reminder of him.
    Hanzo panicked, he quietly shuffled out of bed and quickly left. He abandoned him for the safety of both of them. He realized that this whole idea is extremely irrational and very fast paced, but it's come to a point where Hanzo's sick of people leaving him. He wants to be free. Slapping himself upside the head, he continued and decided to close his heart. It would be a painful process, but much less painful than watching him leave you at your weakest moment.
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    Hanzo did not think this through at all. He just panicked and left in a matter of seconds upon waking up. With this path, he found himself in the most quiet corner of Hanamura possible. He checked into a hotel to wait for Jesse to eventually exit the city. He went to his room and examined the space.

How disgusting. How can anyone inhabit a repulsive room like this?

   Deciding to quit complaining, he sat on the bed. It was cold, unforgiving, and lonely which synchronized with Hanzo's being. Sighing, he laid down. The hotel counter lady gave him a very hard time by asking questions about the Shimada clan and what not and he was barely able to escape her infuriating questions.

I wonder how Jesse's doing.
Ugh!

    Hanzo only proved his point further. These thoughts are lethal, dangerous to any mortal. It was getting dark due to his previous day nap. Yawning, he prepared for bed. After brushing his teeth and putting on his sleep wear, he turned in.
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Jesse?
What are you doing?
Is that your peace keeper?
No...no don't do it...
He just...shot hi-

    Hanzo woke up, sweaty and nervous. Just like the good old days, he thought grimly. He sat up, no comfort to help him sleep again. He sighed as he once again began to prove his point. He wiped his forehead of sweat and laid back down on the white pillow which tonight, would serve as a tissue. He began to get lost in thought as he once again fell asleep.

I hate this life I have created for myself. I wish I could just get rid of it. Get rid of me.
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Ok. So this chapter is very sloppy and poorly written. But I think that's a great way to express how Hanzo feels. Also, this chapter may not stand out to you, but it means a lot to me. What Hanzo's going through is what I went through with this boy. No names will be exposed. Hanzo just, I'm basically putting myself in the book as him. I'm writing through his perspective because I feel as if it'll be a great way to express emotion. Writers do apparently write their hearts into books. But anyways, THANK YOU SOO MUCH FOR 490 reads!!!!! I don't even know what to say!!! I doubted I would even get here! Anyways, thank you all for giving this a chance. :)