300 miles||s.m.

27

[11:15 a.m. Toronto, Canada]

*shawn*

I was so deep in love with her, I never got over how huge of a heart she had or how she laughed and always seemed to bring out the brightness of my day or even the way she looked at me with those all so lovingly blue eyes. I never would've thought being in love would make me feel the way I do as of right now. Since yesterday and until today I still feel the same for her, it's crazy how one can make you feel and how one illuminates the mood of the day. her arms were my safe place and letting go of that killed me every day. I feel so confident that maybe one day she may feel the same again, I just have to take her one step at a time through this journey of her and I. I don't think I could ever let go of being in love with her.

"Delaney...I know...I know what your going to say and I'm not expecting the answer that I'm wanting from you but this has to be let out...I am still in love with you....I haven't stopped loving you...since the day you broke my heart" I look down at the ground, we were still currently on her couch at her apartment.

I look up at her with my breaking eyes as she sits in awestruck not knowing what to do or say...maybe it was too soon maybe it wasn't, I just needed her to know that I still feel the same way.

*delaney*

His eyes told me I broke him and his lips did as well. It was too soon to fall back into love with him because yes, i never stopped loving him but I fell out of love with him. Maybe time will come where I'll be able to be in love with him again but right now won't be happening.

"S-shawn...I'm sorry....I'm 10000 times sorry for everything I did to you for breaking your heart and I don't ever want to break our heart again. Shawn I love you but not like that...it'll have to take me time if I ever want to be in a relationship with you shawn...i hope you understand that" he nods his head in understand ment and fiddles around with his bracelet on his left wrist.

"I'll give you all the time in the world for you to be back on my arms" he gets up and leaves my apartment just like that, I was left stunned and confused. Why would he just randomly leave like that? I shook it off with a sigh.

I was perfectly fine without him for 7 months why suddenly do I see him in public now and I feel like I can't get over him?! I've never been more confused in my life but all I know is that he's not going anywhere. 

***
It was later in the day now, exactly dinner time. I got used to the thought of eating alone except when I have Juliana or Kate over. They became my very close friends up in Canada and I love them both to pieces, when I don't have Lilly they always have my back. Speaking of Lilly, we talk almost everyday on FaceTime, call, or text. She's still and will forever be my best friend I visit my family 1-2 a month usually they aren't the longest amount of time but they are still thankful I'm seeing them.

You may be thinking why do I still live in Canada after all these months?! I honestly don't know, it could be the way I feel more at ease and at home here but I knew that this place somehow stole my heart.

I had faint music playing the back round at the dining room table eating takeout Chinese because ever since I got into modeling they told me to eat healthier and today was a day where I just wasn't feeling it.

I just couldn't stop thinking about shawn and how I missed him so much even though I had no clue where he went my heart honestly ached because I wanted to see him again and just send out a single text for me to come over but I couldn't...for some reason I just couldn't let myself get into the way of his career again, I want him in my life again so bad but I think I may need more time to process all of this.

He loves me.

But I don't love him the same.

***
That night was a hard night just to fall asleep I had a couple of times of restlessness sleeping at nights but this night was  one of the worst.