Is this love?

Chapter 9

 The nurse entered the room and asked everyone to leave so she could examine me.  Whiles she was examining me she told me I was still in Montana and who my doctor was. When she left I fell back asleep wondering where Nash was. I was a little sad he wasn’t there when I wake.

A few hours later I woke again and this time I saw Nash sitting in the chair near my bed holding my hand. I stared at him, taking in his expression. He wore a look of guilt and sadness, he wasn’t aware that I was awake. He looked like he was lost in thought. I wanted to get up and hold him, put my arms around him and reassure him that my exhortation had nothing to do with him. He looked so vulnerable not the Nash I have gotten to know.

There were so many sides to him, and to be honest I was in love with him. I love the rancher I follow around one day on his ranch. He worked all day from giving orders to his workers to helping the vet with delivering of his calf. I love the businessman I went to work with one morning. I saw the way he treats his staff. The meeting I sit in on, I saw how everyone respected him. He wasn’t perfect but I was in love with him.

Seeing Nash like this my heart broke, he looked hunted and I knew he was blaming himself because of what happen between us. It wasn’t his fault. I did this to him. I remember seeing that look once before on another man I loved. I just could bear it. I pull my hands away from him and turn my back on him facing away.

“Leave me alone please Nash” I said in an emotionless voice. I didn’t want him to hear the pain in my voice. I felt like crying and never stopping. I don’t deserve him. I need to let him go. He’ll fine someone better than me someone worthy of his love. Not someone damaged like me, not someone like me who has too much baggage.

“Nessa…” he said softly “baby please…..” he stop. And this time I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing.

“I’m so sorry baby. I-I don’t know what came over me, Just thinking of your broken body at the bottom of that cliff….’ he trail off.

I could hear the hurt and pain his voice and I turn to face him.

“You don’t have to apologize Nash, I understand.” Taking his hands I said. “What we had was great but we need to move on. Don’t make this harder than it already is please leave.”

Tears were streaming down my face and I probably looked a mess but I didn’t care. I needed him to leave so I could cry in peace.

“No Nessa…. Baby, I’m so sorry I hurt you-

“WHAT!” Luke roared.

 We both jumped because neither of us heard when Luke entered the room.

“You’re the fucking reason she’s in here. What did you do to her? I swear I’ll kill you” he said rushing to Nash and punching him in the face. As Luke was about to hit him again I jump up from the bed and rush between them and screamed at Luke to stop.

“Luke stop! You don’t understand, Na-“

“What’s there to understand” he snapped at me cutting me off before I could explain to him.

“He hurt you Nessa, he’s the reason you’re in the hospital”

“He’s right Nessa’ Nash said surprising me. I deserve his anger, I hurt you.” I could hear the hurt and regret in his voice and I feel like crying again.  Everything was so mess up. I understand now why Nash didn’t defend himself against Luke. He was feeling guilty. I could see he had the starting of a black eye and there were blood on his lips where Luke had punched him in the mouth.

“I’m afraid I’ll have to ask you gentlemen to leave” the security said at the door and that’s when I realize that we had an audience. There were doctors and nurses at the door. K. P and Raven was there as well.

Nash bends and pick up something from the floor and looking at me for a few seconds and then he walk away. I feel like my life was over. I wanted to run after him and tell him it wasn’t his fault, it was mines but instead I throw myself in Luke arms and cried until I can’t cry anymore.

“Take me home Luke now. I want to go home now!”

“I’m sorry Miss. James but you can’t leave. The doctor haven’t discharge you as yet and he also needs to talk to you about your condition.” The nurse said to me. I didn’t even know she was still here.

“I don’t care about what the doctor wants, I’m leaving here tonight.” I snapped at her. Feeling ashamed that I snapped at the nurse I look down and notice that she was wearing nice shoes.

“K.P would pack up your stuff and I’ll take care of the paper work.” Raven said.

An hour late we were all on the private jet flying home. I was in one of the bedroom laying on the bed Raven and K.P with me. We weren’t saying anything we were jus laying together holding hand supporting each other.