Benefits

Ch. 20: Dressed In Black

Suddenly I feel arms wrap around my waist, and I start to scream, one of the hands take hold of my mouth spinning me around. I stare wide-eyed, tears running down my eyes.

"Don't hurt mommy!"

"Don't hurt her please!"

Jake.

"What's wrong?" He furrows his eyebrows in concern.

My wild blue eyes stare at his black glasses, tears still falling. Memories flooded through my brain when he touched me.

"What's wrong?" He repeats. He cups my face to him, and I want to shrink and die in a coffin. He holds his other hand to my waist pulling me close to him." Talk to me." His voice starts to tremble.

Why was he upset?

He lets go of me, and goes to my lamp, dimming it a little. He sighs deeply and takes off his glasses for me. I stand there still trembling, not sure if I can even breathe.

"Let her go you monster!"

Slap.

Choke.

Hit.

Jake comes back towards me but isn't able to touch me, when we both hear a loud knock from my bedroom door. "Dawn are you alright? I heard a scream." It was my dad.

I sniffle, but keep my eyes on the ground. "I'm fine," I answer. I turn to Jake, motioning him to hide somewhere. He shakes head roughly, but as soon as I start to glare at him, he moves to the other side of my bed and lays on the floor. I wipe my eyes immediately, trying to breathe calmly. "It was just a spider," I say this while unlocking my door, revealing my dad standing there with a worried look. I crack my door, concealing my bedroom from him.

"Are you sure? Your eyes are red."

"I'm fine, dad." My voice is becoming cold, as I narrow my eyes to him, I see him look down sadly. I clear my voice, realizing how bitchy I sounded. "I'm just tired; I'm turning in for the night." I fake yawn.

"Alright. Goodnight."

I shut the door in his face, and lock it with my trembling fingers.

Jake stands up, and I'm quick to put my finger to my lips until I hear my father's footsteps. When I finally do and understand his bedroom door shut, I let out a sigh of relief.

"You're nervous around him. Why?" He asks his eyes blaze of anger and emotion I can only see as sadness.

"What makes you think I'm nervous around my own dad?" I push my shoulder past him, as I sit on my bed facing my head down at my feet.

"Your fingers click rapidly. More than usual." He says matter a factly.

Again, I never noticed that myself.

"What's going on, Dawn?"

"It's none of your business." I use his famous line.

"Why did you start crying?"

"You scared me." I try to convince him, while I try to convince myself.

He shakes his head." Stop lying."

"It's for me to know, and you do not know." I use another famous line from him.

"Dawn." He sighs deeply. He brings his hand to my face, and I flinch slightly, as he catches it. "Fine. Don't tell me." He drops his hand. "I should go."

He waits for me to say something, anything I suppose, but all I say is. "Then go."

He puts back on his sunglasses, still waiting for me to say something else, but I don't. He sighs deeply again and stands up. My eyes stare down at the floor as I hear him climb out my window.

I shut everyone out. I even shut myself out. And at that thought, I let go, I sob a good cry as the nightmares continue with my memories.

"Your mom's a whore!"

Smash.

Shatter.

More tears.

Before I can stop, I hear someone climb into my bedroom again. I gasp at the sight of Jake standing there, heavy breathing at me. "Damn you, Dawn." He says lowly.

I try to wipe my tears away, but they won't stop this time, and my cries turn louder than before.

He takes off his glasses and sets it on my dresser. His green eyes connect with mine, as he walks towards me. I cringe away from him, but he grasps me in his arms and just hugs me to him.

I cry into his chest, and he backs us to my bed, we sit there for a while as I continue to cry away the memories. I start to shake, as I wrap my arms around him tightly, he does the same. "Shhh... Breathe." He whispers in my ear.

"Daddy please!"

"Don't take her away from me!"

"Shut up!"

"Make them go away." I look up to Jake.

"Make what go away?" He whispers to me, tugging me with him to the head of the bed as my chin looks up to him.

"The memories."

He kisses my forehead, and I close my eyes in the content of the feeling. I lay my head back to his chest, trying to breathe clearly. "Just breathe. Listen to my heartbeat. The way it beats. Up and down." His voice soothes me.

Up and down.

"Stop-" Up and down.

Up and down.

It seems to work, and I find myself calming down a bit, but still, the dull ache is in my head reminding me. "Just go to sleep." He mumbles in my hair.

I keep my eyes closed, and repeat the chant he told me 'up and down,' up and down.'

My arms tighten loosely around him; his arms feel safe. They feel like the safest place to me, and I'm showing him my most vulnerable state I have ever displayed anyone. "Stay with me." I hear myself mumble before sleep takes over me.

"What?" I hear him say, but I'm far to gone under the spell of sleep.

The next morning, I feel freezing, except for the fact I'm under my covers. I blink a couple of times hard, trying to get up for the day. I look at my alarm clock and read 8:30 am. I turn to the other side of me to see a vacant area, but there's an indent there, showing that Jake was there at one point of time, however long ago that was, I don't know.

He's gone.

Jake's gone.