I thought you understood (p.j.m x bts) #LOVEYOURSELFAWARDS

Truth

"It's getting worse" the doctor said seriously, sighing. "I don't think the treatments are working anymore."

Jin held onto Namjoon tightly, his head bowed . "Are you sure there is no other way for him to be saved?"

The doctor pushed up his glasses thoughtfully. "A surgery would be way too risky. I'm sorry, but I don't think he has much time left. Honestly, I'm surprised he made it this far."

"You mean, he could've died earlier?" Namjoon asked. 

The doctor nodded wearily. "When your friend found him, his heart had stopped beating. Though, there are some cases when the patient's own strong will enables them to hold on a tad bit longer."

Jin bit his nails. "Is it good, then?"

"Depends. For the patients family, yes. But holding on longer doesn't mean he's getting better."

"Namjoon, you're spacing out" Jin chided, nudging him gently. "Are you thinking about the doctors words?"

Namjoon nodded his head, his brows furrowed in worry. If it was true, Jimin could have died earlier, could that mean...

"Hyung, I think I want to talk to him" Namjoon said softly. "So, if you could separate the maknaes from him for a while-"

"I will" Jin replied. "Don't be so hard on yourself. You wouldn't have known-"

"But BTS is my responsibility, hyung" Namjoon looked at the elder, weariness and worry in his eyes. "I should have noticed. We...we kept scolding him...but we didn't realize. I didn't realize! He was losing so much weight and...and..."

Jin held him close, furiously whispering in his ear. "Don't you dare blame yourself, Kim Namjoon. We have to keep ourselves together, you understand. I blame myself because I'm the eldest. Everyone is blaming themselves, but Jimin isn't blaming anyone. I can see it in his eyes."

..........................................................

That night, Namjoon walked silently into Jimin's ward, the boy laying tiredly on his bed. The last attack had got him tired and weak. In Namjoon's eyes, he was the same small mochi angel, though much less active than usual.

"Are you awake, Jiminie?" Namjoon whispered, sitting on a chair . "If you're tired, I can wait-"

"It's okay" Jimin replied weakly, opening his eyes. Namjoon had been captivated by those eyes ever since he had seen them. But, those eyes were now droopy, and looked unfocused. "I was getting bored anyway."

Namjoon glanced at the heart monitor that was beeping steadily. "You know that we all love you, right, Jimin?"

Jimin looked confused. "What is it, hyung? Is something bothering you?"

"Yeah, its just..." Namjoon raked a hand through his hair. "I just want to know, are you okay?"

Jimin gave a small laugh. "I think you're more stressing more than I am, and I'm the one dying here."

Dying...

"How can you say that so easily?" Namjoon asked, on the verge of tears. "That you're dying?"

Jimin was silent for a moment, his eyes trailing downwards. "Hyung...I'm okay, really-"

"Then tell me why you hid this from us. Tell me why you look so sad every time you wake up." Namjoon burst out. "You were dead, Jimin! You were dead and I wouldn't have known what to do if you stayed that way! I just-"

He felt a small hand slip into his own, and Namjoon caught himself once more. He looked at Jimin, the younger looking at him with eyes brimming with tears.

"But I'm alive, hyung. I'm here, so you don't have to worry." Jimin whispered. "I won't disappear, I pro-"

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Jimin" Namjoon's voice was cracking. "You...No one is here except us. You're not okay, and I can see that. I'm the leader, and I have the right to know whats on your mind. And ever since we found out you're...I just have to know how you feel."

Jimin was quiet once again, his eyes unfocused as if he were debating whether to tell or not. 

"Jimin, you can trust me. I won't tell anyone.  I promise."

It was heavy for Jimin to tell the truth, and it was heavy for Namjoon to hear those words spilling out if Jimin's mouth, like water spilling out if a dam. 

"I want it to stop, hyung. I want it all to end. I've danced and sung for so long, I can't do anything else besides those things. Now, I can't even do both, and every second of my life feels like a waste of time. I...I just want to stop being in pain, and stop the treatments. I just want it all to stop!"

Namjoon had held the trembling boy in his arms, crying with him. "Is there a reason, why it won't stop?"

"I...I made a promise. I promised-"

Namjoon shushed him before he could say more, gently rocking him back and forth. Suddenly, the door opened, letting in Taehyung who had a tear-streaked face. It was obvious that he'd bee eavesdropping outside.

"TaeTae?" Jimin asked, lifting himself to a sitting position. "Why are you-"

"How could you be so selfish, Park Jimin?" Taehyung asked, his eyes flashing in fury. "How could you wish to die, just like that?"

"Taehyung, I-" Jimin tried.

"You said it yourself, you want to die! Then what about me? WHAT DO YOU THINK I'D FEEL IF YOU WERE GONE, PARK JIMIN?!!" Taehyung yelled angrily. 

"Taehyung, please-" Jimin begged but Taehyung ignored him.

"You're selfish, Jimin. You always think of yourself, and forget others. I regret ever being your friend!" 

"Taehyung, get out of here." Namjoon said sternly. Taehyung felt like ignoring him, but Namjoon rarely used that tone. Taehyung turned around and slammed the door shut.

Namjoon let out a sigh. "Hey, Jimin, are you-"

He stopped when he noticed that he was supporting all of Jimin's weight. He was so focused on Taheyung, he hadn't noticed that Jimin had fallen back into his arms. Namjoon called his name once more, shaking him. The boy was silent, before sudden wheezing emitted from Jimin's throat.

"Hey, Park Jimin!" Namjoon said in panic, turning the boys head so that he was no longer burying his face in Namjoon's chest. He was getting paler. The heart monitor stuttered. Namjoon pressed the help button, Jimin's words replaying in his head.