Benefits

Ch. 1: Afraid

"Confidence." She says brightly.

"Yeah, that's what it is," I say glumly, but I can't overthink it too much or I'll just become annoyed with myself. She is right though, but I'll push it aside for now.

"Now hurry up, or I'm skipping school and fucking Chad."

I scoff to her. Chad. I originally was the one who met him first. It was at Golden Spoon this summer. I was meeting up with Lauren when I felt an arm graze mine. I looked up to him nervously. He said sorry. He wanted the ice cream that was next to mine. I was too awkward to say anything, so I just laughed. He continued to talk to me even through the line. It was wrapped in small talk, but it extended to me blushing immensely at this Mexican guy who smelt like cologne.

But of course my best friend got a scoop of him, and I didn't even bother to think of anything of it afterward.

***

"Breakfast ready mother?!" Lauren calls to me as she enters my house. I made pop tarts. One cinnamon for me, and one bullshit strawberry for her. She likes to think it's healthier if she eats the one with the "fruit."

I hum to her in response, and hand her "healthy food." We start on our way down to our hell of a school. It's only a few blocks from my house.

Living at this house has taught me one thing, loneliness is a bliss. I'm surrounded by houses filled with people that go to my high school, and yet I have no friendships with them. I have no stories where I meet the boy next door, or my best friend is just across the street. Lauren lives a block over— but sometimes I wish I had more than just one friend.

From other people's eyes, I was that person who was in elementary, junior high, and high school and still... you wouldn't recognize me. You'd say 'hey you look familiar.' Not 'hey Dawn.'

While all the while I'd recite your full name, and what classes we were in with each other. Not that I'm weird or anything, no... you're just an idiot who has long term memory loss.

This all changed though didn't it, Dawn? You thought you could be ignored for the rest of your life and no one would bother you, but I guess friendships come and go, and relationships are just as fast.

"So you and Chad, huh," I say to Lauren, my idiot of a best friend.

"Mhm." A smile was playing at her lips. "It might get serious... I don't know."

"What do you mean serious? You have never been serious in your life."

"Oh, shut up." She laughs back while shoving my arm.

A roar is heard a mile away, and my thoughts leave from Lauren's cattiness to the infamous  sound. Our laughter is long gone when the car rips past us.

Jake Dennings.

Rumors spread about him like wildfire, but at the same time, people didn't know much about him except he was a simple player that every girl wants in their stories.

I saw him around school off and on throughout my middle school days, but it didn't seem we crossed paths. We talked maybe once or twice if I can think hard enough. Life was a blur back then, and realizing how much he's changed through 8th grade to sophomore year— he was a sore eye. All I know for a fact is almost about everyone in our senior class has or is having a mild crush on him. I'm guilty as well. Back into freshmen year. There was no chance then, and there's no chance now.

His personality could be horrible like everyone says. Well, that's what all the girls say who have been heartbroken by him.

"So are we going to the party at Dawson's this Friday," Lauren breaking me out of my thoughts.