The Book of Healing

Are You There God? It's Me, the Sinner

I don't think God and I will ever get along. It hates sinners and I was created from the Devil itself, but even the Devil doesn't want me anymore.
The Bible says God accepts everyone, but how can it when I don't even accept myself?
Are you there God?
Why are you still here God?
What good will it come for you God?

Maybe I was your child once. I remember reading your books and memorizing your songs and relaying the rules you set out. I wanted to be good, I did.
But you and I just don't get along anymore. Why is that? When did it go wrong? Like most of my relationships, there probably wasn't a reason, just a domino effect of events that led to this. This...Distance. You're still here. I know you are. I still pray...You answer when you feel like it.
I'm not sorry that I don't go to church anymore. I don't find solitude in those dreamy-eyed followers who can only say good of you and be silent when your stories write you in the light of fear. I will not pretend to believe in something just so that I have a place of grounding to define me. To have a 'rock' that only looks like a rock but turns to quicksand at the slightest breeze. I cannot depend on something that can turn against me, that I may not hate because it wasn't according to the plan. My grounding comes from me and it will have to remain that way.
I'm...sorry I could not be one of your children. I'm afraid your disciples have distorted who or what you really are and there is no way to know for sure. I am told that my own interpretation is what you will become to me. If that's true, then I see you as an imaginary genie for people who need hope... And I can't fault them for that.