Choosing You

Chapter 36

Draft - Abr 27, 2017

Chapter 36

Jillian

The moment I step my feet on the Philippine soil I realized na madami ng nag bago at bago. It's been years mula ng iwan ko ang lugar na to. It's been years since I run away and left everything behind. But being away made me realized that running away is not a good option. Dahil kahit gaano pa kalayo ang tinakbo ko para kalimutan ang lahat at kalimutwan siya it still hunts where ever I go.

For the past years pinilit kong mabuhay but the pain kills me every single day. I want to set myself free from all of the misery pero hindi ko magawa. Patuloy akong nasasaktan sa mga bagay na wala akong magagawa.

Ilang beses kong ipinaintindi sa sarili ko that she will never fall in love with me but at the end of the day a part of me is hopping that there is a chance that she will love me na alam kong mali. Dahil wala naman akong aasahan pag dating sa kanya.

She will never learn to love me simply because she is in love with somebody else. I am just her friend at hanggang duon na lang ako.

After years of drowning myself in pain, alcohol and work, I realized I want to fix and changed myself. So, I consciously open my door for new possibilities and opportunities.

I changed and became a different person. I step out of my own world and meet different people. Pero kahit anong gawin ko hindi ko matakasan ang katotohanang mahal ko pa din siya. Dahil kahit gaano kadaming tao ang makilala ko at kahit saan ako mapunta siya pa din ang hinahanap ng mga mata ko. kahit anong gawin kong pag babago sa sarili ko there is one thing that will never change at iyon ang nararamdaman ko para sa kanya.

I can't escape from that single fact.

So instead of running away I just simply accept it.

I accept that she is the love of my life. I accept that she makes my heart happy every time she crossed my mind. How every pain and scars in my heart are worth it simply because it reminds me of her.

I realized that I love her enough to accept that I rather have her as my friend than to lose her at all. Because I know na kung hahayaan kong mag pakalunod ako sa sakit dahil hindi niya ako mahal ay baka mawala siya sa akin and I can't afford of losing her. And I know na kung hahayaan kong mawala siya wouldn't able to find someone like her again in this lifetime.

So I accepted it and learn to let go of the pain and starts to be happy for her dahil nahanap niya taong mamahalin niya. Masakit isipin na hindi ako ang taong iyon pero kailangan kong tanggapin iyon.

She is my best friend bago mangyari ang lahat ng ito. So I have to embrace kung anong role lang ang meron ako sa buhay niya. And if being her friend is the only way para manatili ako sa buhay niya tatanggapin ko iyon ng buo. I have to accept it even if it means not having her as my girl.

"Milady." Rinig kong sabi mula sa labas ng study room ko kasabay ng mag kakasunod na katok. Hindi ko namalayan na masyado na pala akong nakatulala sa labas.

"Come in." I said enough para marinig iyon mula sa labas.

Ng marinig kong nag bukas ang pinto ay agad naman akong napalingon sa direksyon nito.

"Ano iyon?" I ask

"pa dating na daw po si Ms. Trina." He said politely.

I smile and nod. It's more than a week mula ng tumawag ako sa kanya na dumating na ako ng pilipinas pero dahil may kailangan akong asikasuhin ay hindi ko magawang makipag kita sa kanya. I know she will kill me dahil duon. "kindly accompany her on the living room baka kasi magising ang guest natin. Hindi siya pwedeng makita ni Trina."