When Scars Become Stars (on hold, sorry)

x and the worst part is before it gets any better we're heading for a cliff x

x and the worst part is before it gets any better we're heading for a cliff x

"Look, we need to talk." Cassie said as she came into my room 20 minutes after my outbreak. "We're not breaking up. We're not even going to fight. We're going to sit here and talk things through, ok?"

I ignored her, too pissed to talk.

She moved to sit on my mattress and I hung my head, not wanting to even look at her.

"I didn't tell my Dad everything," she reminded me. "I told him that you'd been sexually abused which is partly true. I didn't tell him anything about Jeremy or what your Dad had to do to stop him from hurting you. I didn't say that your Dad hurt you the other day. I didn't even tell him Jeremy's name. I said that your parents were finding it hard to deal with what had happened to you; that they weren't sure how to handle it. I wouldn't even think of telling him the full story. I promised you i wouldn't,"

"But you still told my Dad," I mumbled. "That's why he got mad at me in the 1st place,"

"I only told him so i'd have something to threaten him with," she murmured. "I knew I needed to get you out of thise house and that was the only thing I could think of. I'm sorry if I've hurt you but I don't regret it. I need to know your safe,"

"But it's not any of your buisness. I'm over what happened and-"

"No you're not Alex," she moved closer and took my hand. "You're not over it. How can you be when you're reminded of it everyday? You always pick at the scar on your neck,"

"So?"

"Don't iscolate yourself from me. I just want you to be safe,"

"Why? I'm just another fuck up,"

"Yeah but I love you,"

"No you don't," I mumbled. "No one will ever love me. I just mess things up. Why would anyone love me,"

"Don't even start on that," she groaned and then came in closer. She grabbed my other hand, holding it tightly. "I'm not going to list all the reasons that I love you because it would take too long. I know you have self esteem issues and you don't particularly like yourself. But we'll get it sorted. I promise,"

"I don't wanna change,"

"You wont. You'll just get better. You wont be scared,"

"But I need to be scared Cassie," I explained. "That's the only thing I know. If I'm not scared, then I'm nothing."

"That's how I felt with my anorexia. I felt like I couldn't live without it. But here I am, perfectly fine and still the same preppy bitch. I'm just better now and I can accept myself,"

"I can't live without being scared though," I whispered. "If I'm not scared, then i'll be paranoid. I'll be on red alert the whole time; thinking that people are being nice to me just to catch me off guard. You don't get it Cassie. I'd rather let it happen than live without it. And I know that seems horrible, but it's the only way I know. I can't help it. When it's not happening, I don't feel real."

"Come here," she said and then wrapped her arms around my waist. "Look at me, ok? You are beautiful Alex. Fuck everyone else. You are beautiful. There's no need for you to be insecure. Because I know that the majority of girls at school, including my stuck up friends, think you're unbelievabley hot. And you've got the most amazing personality. You make me smile and laugh and you say the cutest things. You've made me better and now it's time for me to make you better. See that scar,"

She brought her fingers up to the red bumpy scar on my neck, tracing her fingers over it gently.

"We will turn that scar into a star. I promise,"