Up In Smoke

Im only human

I wake up and look at the clock on my wall.

'4:28 am'

I turn over to see Niall sound asleep as I grab my phone and unlock it. I pause for a moment and look over at Niall again.

"You don't deserve anyone."

"When he breaks your heart again you'll have no one."

"You're nothing Courtney."

"Nothing."

"He's obviously lying when he says he loves you. Haha who could love you."

A tear rolls down my cheek as I rush to the bathroom.

I slam the door and look straight into the mirror.

The voices continue.

"Ew look at you."

"Why are you crying? It's the truth."

"Wipe those tears sweet heart, the last thing he wants is an ugly sad girl."

"Fucking shut up!" I scream and throw my hair brush at the mirror causing it to shatter. Shards fly giving me minor cuts all over.

I cry hysterically while leaning over the bathroom sink.

"Babe?" I hear behind the bathroom door. I don't respond I just try to catch my breath.

"Love can I come in?"

"I'm coming in anyways." He says opening the door.

He looks from me, to the mirror, to the floor, and back up to me again.

"What the hell happened? And why?" He says grabbing my hand.

"My self destruction doesn't know convenience. Neither does my life." I say stepping on glass as I follow him out of the bathroom and to my bedroom.

"More specific please?" He says going to my closet as I sit on my bed.

"Nothing. Its okay, I'm fine, besides these cuts." I say looking at him.

He takes a towel and peroxide and cleans the cuts on my skin.

"Iloveyou." He says without looking at me.

"Iloveyoutoo." I say as he gets done.

I look back over at the clock.

'5:56 am'

Niall's phone vibrates on my dresser.

"Who could be texting you right now? It's 6:00 am." I chuckle slightly.

He starts to laugh.. But stops when he looks at his phone.

"What's wrong?" I say confused.

"I have to go." He says putting on his jacket.

"Is it me, or are you tired of this happening too? It's not even light outside yet for Christ sake. Where the hell are you going?" I say getting up from the bed.

He ignores me and finishes getting dressed.

"Good talk." I scoff and sit back down.

He grabs my keys.

"I'm borrowing your car. Zayn is gonna drop mine off for you later." He says walking out of my room.

I follow him.

"So you're taking MY car, and you aren't gonna at least tell me where the hell you're going?" I say raising my voice.

He continues to ignore me and walks out my front door.

"Love you too Niall." I say letting out a deep breath.