I haven't seen her for a week and it is driving me insane, my wolf has been whinging non-stop. Every day at night Penny comes out of the hospital room and updates me on how she is going. Blaire has only had a couple more panic attacks, none of them as serious as the first one. I have been making myself busy throughout the day, me and Chase talk a lot to the Alpha and Beta about all the ins and outs of running a pack. We did however spend the first couple of days trying to track down the rouge pack that had held her hostage, alas we didn't find anything. That is the way most of these rouge pack tracking operations work, since rouge packs move around so much it makes tracking them down so hard. We also have no leads on who Blaire's family are, Blaire doesn't remember specific names or places. However Alpha Jackson still sends messages to all the packs that he knows of in hope that one of them will have heard something.
Chase nudged me in the shoulder which brought me out of my trance, Alpha Jackson and Beta Anderson were currently going through the accounts when I zoned out. I have been zoning out a lot recently because no matter how much busy work I find I can't manage to get her out of my thoughts. "Sorry" I say to Alpha Jackson and Beta Anderson who look at me knowingly. They know how hard this must be for me.
"How about we take a break" Says Alpha Jackson who rounds up all the lose paper and puts it back in his folder. I thank them and follow Chase out the door. "I'm sorry" I say to Chase when the door is closed. "it's okay" Chase reassures me. "Look if there is..." Chase starts but I cut him off, "Its fine Chase, I just need some fresh air." With that I head outside and shift into my wolf and let him take over. Amoux runs fast through the trees, not going anywhere in particular just running.
I don't know how long I can last with this. I want to help her, I want to make her feel better but how do I do that when I can't even be in the same room as her without risking another panic attack. She's scared of me and there is nothing I can do but wait, I just wish it wasn't like this, I wish this never happened to her, I wish I met her on a run or when I went to visit other packs I wish anything but this.
Penny thought of the bright idea of giving her some of my hoodies so that at least she can get comfortable with my smell. The thought of her in my hoodies makes me so happy, I wish I could see it though. I just want to see her.
***
When I get back to the house it is lunch time, I walk in the kitchen to see Penny and Chase talking to one another. When the door closes behind me their heads snap in my direction. "I had a thought" Penny says happily when I approached the bench. I raised my eyebrows at her, she gave me a smile and continued. "Blaire is getting much better and no longer needs to be in the hospital room so I was thinking why doesn't she move into her own room on our floor."
I looked at her in shock. "No way" I stated firmly. Penny's smile changed into a confused look, "Well, why not?" She shot back. "She's petrified of me!" I say back "and I can't trust myself around her! What if I..." I let myself fade off. As much as it kills me not to have her close to me, it would kill me more if my wolf took control scared her even more than she already is. Penny sighed, she knew I was right.
After a moment, she perked up a bit as another bright idea came into her head. "Well why don't I introduce you and see how it is, that way if either of you really can't handle it than we will postpone the move." She looked very pleased with herself. I opened my mouth to argue back but I the thought of seeing my mate right now even for a bit was all I could think about. Chase saw that I was having an internal struggle. "Don't worry Ben, if it looks like you are about to loes it I will push you back." Chase says. I look up at him and nod appreciatively. I look back at Penny, who is sat patiently waiting for my answer.
"Okay"
***
Today was the day, Penny told Blaire yesterday that she was going to introduce us and Blaire agreed. I have been pacing all day. Part nerves part excitement. So much was riding on today and what if I did something that messed with her trust. Then it might be even longer for me to wait to begin earning her trust back.
I was outside in the hospital waiting room with Chase, Penny was inside letting Blaire know that we would be in soon. "You alright Mate." Chase asked from his seat. I gave him an exasperated look but then sat down next to him. "Everything is going to be fine" Chase reassured me, I huffed in response.
The door opened and I jumped up off my feet, it was time. I slowly walked up to the door. My hands felt clammy and my head was spinning. Penny opened the door with Chase right beside her and I followed in after, eyes fixed on the ground. As soon as I entered my nose was filled with her intoxicating scent. I closed my eyes and let it consume me, all at once I was calm.
"Ben." My eyes opened and I realised Penny had just introduced me, my eyes slowly lifted from the floor and as soon as our eyes met she let out a gasp. I froze. Oh, no shit shit shit I knew this was a bad idea, I kept looking at her trying to figure out what the best next move would be.
After a moment Penny cleared her throat which made Blaire look quickly down at her hands. I however couldn't look away. Her hair draped around her face and through the strands I saw blush appear on her cheeks. Her big eyelashes batted down every now and then while she listened to Penny. She had the cutest little noes that rested on the hood edge, it looked like she was breathing in the smell, a small smile appeared on my face. She was calming herself down with my scent. My hoodie wrapped its self around her, she looked so damn perfect in it yet it was so big compared to her... I was so big compared to her. My heart clenched.
My thoughts were interrupted by Chase turning to walk out, I followed suite dragging my eyes away from her. Once outside I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding in. I look up to see Chase with a small smile on his face and eyebrows raised. I shove him "Shut up"
********************
This is one of my favourite chapters. Ben is so cute ❤
Until next time...
ESTÀS LLEGINT
The Beta's Broken Mate
Homes llopI look back to Ben. His arms were big and his tummy toned, there were a few scars here are there. He was a fighter. He was someone who could look after themselves, and look at me, clinging onto him for dear life. Me, I'm a coward. Always been a cowa...
