Beautiful Silent Boy [L.S]

Journal 2: Tears Turn into Laughter

I don't think I'll ever really quite get over how shy I felt when I was with Harry for the greater portion of that night.

I got to sit and talk with him much like he had with my grandmum, and I found out that she was an interesting lady and, very much like Harry, she was fun and quirky. I felt myself smile the way they talked to each other, it was like they were best friends. They would poke fun at each other and just share a good laugh.

Family time in general has a way of working on my emotions.

As I was talking to Anne, Harry got up at some point and went into the kitchen. I heard him call, "Boo-bear!" and I got up, giving her a puzzled look. She gave me a look that confirmed that we were both equally clueless.

I walked out into the kitchen and saw that he had pulled out a few large containers, a pan, sprays and such, and he held out an apron towards me.

I took it from him slowly, still not quite sure of what his intentions were.

"Ever baked before Lou?" He asked me, with the biggest smile formed across his features.

I answered him honestly, telling him that I hadn't since I was a young lad. His smile just grew, as he threw his arms around me and told me that he was going to teach me how to make his favourite cookies.

I actually felt extremely happy. I hadn't really had the time to do much with any one as of late, and it was a nice opportunity to do something with him.

I remembered how he stood behind me, guiding me and directing my movements. He placed his hand over mine when we whisked the batter, and I just started laughing. As soon as I had started, I felt him shake with laughter as well.

Soon, the small kitchen was filled with warmth, smiles, and laughter. I felt like the whole house had disappeared, and it was just Harry and I with our backs to world.

I can't get those smiles or laughs out of my head. Every time I close my eyes, all I see is Harry's glowing smile, and all I hear is the way he laughs and says my name.

I could tell that I was definitely in love, and there was no doubting it any further.

We had spooned the batter out onto the sheets and Harry opened the oven with his foot, letting the door down slowly. I put in the pans and then he lifted the door back up with his heel.

I noticed that he had easy and coordinated movement with his feet, and I was curious as to if he ever played football. I smiled internally at the thought that we would be able to play football together.

I felt my mind begin to rush with images for the future. All the things that I wanted to be able to do with him, just flying past my vision.

I kept my eyes closed, just taking the time to imagine all of this.

We went to sit back in the living room after this, and he went up to take a shower, which is why I have time to write this now. His mother had gone upstairs too, saying that she wanted to check a couple of things on her computer, and wanted to give me time to settle in.

I feel this strange energy flowing through me, giving me me feelings that I haven't felt in a long time. It's like this whole experience has opened up something inside of me, and awakened dormant emotions that I didn't even remember having, as if they were repressed.

It's difficult to grasp these ideas, they're just so abstract and floating somewhere above me in space. I can see them, but I can never touch them. It's that physically quality that I need, that I miss.

Well I've heard the water shut off, and I have to call my grandmum, so I guess I'll wrap this up.

"Your life can change in one minute, your opinion in a month, and your heart in a year, but some feelings are just meant to be kept forever."